Latest
NEWS
Princeton Unveils Brand-New “Centre of Just Getting By”
In response to a survey question asking “Howzit hangin,” an overwhelming 79% of alums reported they were “not good, homie lol,” with only 12% responding “Gucci gang Gucci gang Gucci gang Gucci gang.”
By Imaan Khasru '23
NEWS
Dining Hall Smoothies
*All Recipes Make about a 16 oz. Drink
By Angel Kuo '24, Danielle Jenkins '23
NEWS
Self-Help from a Mastermind, Guru, and Hot Woman All in One
It's nothing personal, but maybe your mom was right about you being inherently unkind.
By Jamie Feder '23
NEWS
The Princeton Straight Man’s Guide: How To Talk to Gay Men
Written by a real-life homosexual!
By Adam Sanders '25
NEWS
Travel Outside the Orange Bubble
So many places to go!
By Angel Kuo '24
NEWS
How To Solve a Workplace Accountability Conflict
Plan carefully. Execute cleanly.
By Nate Perlmeter '22
OPINION
Move Over, So-Called Alphas and Sigmas. Get on the Gruber Grindset with These 5 Simple Steps
Aspire to be a Grubermensch
By Jupiter Ding '24
NEWS
10 Ways to Ensure You Don’t Forget Your Prox
DON'T LOSE IT
By Danielle Ranucci '23
NEWS
Shit Shy
Something heinous is brewing in your large intestine.
By Dana Corbo '25
OPINION
Lonely? Make a Silly Putty® Partner!
Turn your love life around with the ideal, Silly Putty® partner!
By Ethan Magistro '24, Danielle Jenkins '23
NEWS
How I Convinced My Partner to Go to Therapy
Your self-worth and GPA deserve better.
By Sophie Gerchikov '23
NEWS
Seven Ways to Get Praise Without Doing Anything
We all know that person with a ton of ambitious goals. You know this because they tell you all about them. You congratulate them on “dreaming big,” but you know the chance that they’ll actually do anything is slim to none. If you’re being honest with yourself, you actually sort of hope that they don’t, because no one should get to be happy if you aren’t, and you certainly aren’t happy. If you’ve ever wanted to be that person, keep reading to find out how you too can revel in the unearned praise of your peers.
By Christopher Speed '24
NEWS
Drink Away Your Problems
Every once in a while people start to feel things, you included! Here are a few surefire drinking tips for solving your problems whenever you feel an emotion.
By Danielle Jenkins '23, Amanda Vera '22
NEWS
New Self-Help Kits to Help Mitigate the Guilt of Attending Princeton
Included in the goody bags are helpful distractions including a coloring book, a fidget spinner, and a mini-funhouse mirror.
By Ben Gelman '23
NEWS
Odysseus Devastated upon Arrival in Ithaca, Confused Why He Spent So Long Reaching Only 12th Best College in US
Consoled by the knowledge that Penelope was safe with Cornell's tradition of involuntary celibacy
By William Zhao '29
NEWS
Dating Terms 101
It's a tricky, verbose sea!
By Nia McCullin '21
NEWS
In Memoriam: The SHARE Play
The recent cancellation of the beloved SHARE play has left strong emotions on campus.
By Asya Morozov '29
NEWS
University Axes Trash Cans, Will Require Raccoons to Buy Dining Plan
The University has announced that raccoons will be required to pay for dining plans, causing immediate backlash.
By William Zhao '29
NEWS
E-Bikes Contribute to Halloween Cheer by Making Everyone Afraid
With Halloween upon the corner, a new terror has been reported on campus
By Charlotte Sussman '29
NEWS
President Christopher Eisgooner’s Nudes Leaked in Cybersecurity Breach
President Eisgooner reportedly used “GoTigers!” as his OnlyFans password
By Jim Dillon '26
NEWS
Princeton Student Claims Language Fluency on Linkedin Profile After Receiving an A- in a 101 Level Class
“I truly feel more and more Brazilian with every coming day. My real name isn’t even João, it’s John - I just changed my name to something that more accurately conveys my true identity,” Joao said.
By Yara Almoussa '28
NEWS
Nude Olympics Revived by Lone Princeton Freshman 27 Years After Ban
Richie N.C. West '29 took it upon himself to revive the beloved campus tradition
By Elena Eiss '28
NEWS
University Decommissions Dining Halls, Forces Students to Scavenge for Scraps
Princeton University recently announced its decision to decommission all campus dining halls.
By Elena Eiss '28
NEWS
Princeton Student Banned From Firestone After Discovering Passion for Opera at POCO Concert
Barry Tone '29 took his talents to the C floor of Firestone Library.
By Yara Almoussa '28
NEWS
PSAFE Suspects Foul Play in Bloomberg Basement Flood
Nautical Nassoons?
By Gavin Stroud '28
NEWS
Area Bridge Troll Removes Membership Discount
All Students Forced to Answer Three Riddles Rather Than Two
By Charlotte Sussman '29
NEWS
Curtis Sliwa Shot Five Times in the Back of a TigerTransit Bus
"I got a wife to go home to" the candidate protested.
By Geoff Liu '29
NEWS
Princeton Student Gets Into Stable, Long-Term Relationship
Allegedly "Happy, Fulfilled"
By Charlotte Sussman '29
NEWS
Erika Kirk Announced as Lawnparties Headliner
Erika Kirk, the Turning Point USA boy-band frontwoman known for her eulogolic yet celebratory performances, has been chosen to perform.
By William Zhao '29
NEWS
Eisgruber’s Presidency as told by his Bing® Search History
beep boop
By Jacob Simon '15
NEWS
A4 Topics in Writing Seminars This Spring
You didn't use AI, right?
By William Zhao '29
NEWS
Tiger Career Options
This month, the Princeton Tiger brings in an exciting, real-world perspective on post-graduation career opporunities
By Jim Dillon '26
NEWS
Princeton Junior Arrested for Lewd Conduct in Brown Hall Bathroom
Footsy or Entrapment?
By Jim Dillon '26
NEWS
Fine Hall not ‘Fine’ Enough: University Announces Finer Hall
University Administration has announced the construction of a new, more beautiful building on campus
By William Zhao '29 and Vihaan Jim '29
