Area Bridge Troll Removes Membership Discount

By Charlotte Sussman '29

Earlier this week, local troll Sklunk, inhabitant of the bog under “YES!” bridge, announced that as a result of rising taxes on his beautiful bridge, he is cutting the beloved membership discount offered to community members upon crossing. Previously, members were offered the opportunity to answer two riddles rather than the classic three, after the purchase of a thirty-five dollar lifetime bridge membership. However, Sklunk’s new decision will force all students to answer all three riddles, unless they pay twenty-two pre-Roman Empire gold coins for each riddle they don’t answer. At a recent press conference, Sklunk made a statement regarding the change, saying, “I’m so grateful to this community for the support it has shown my small business in recent years. I know this news comes as a disappointment, but I hope you’ll continue to use my bridge for all your crossing needs. Thank you for your lasting support even though you don’t really have a choice since I have the only bridge.” Many students have expressed their unhappiness with the change. Prince Tiger ‘28 commented, “I’m really disappointed by Sklunk’s decision. When I purchased my membership, I was promised a lifetime discount of two riddles instead of three. Now I have to factor in extra time in my morning routine for this third riddle. And this discount? Nobody has pre-Roman Empire gold coins. It’s tomfoolery.” Some, however, voiced their continuing support for Sklunk. “Of course I don’t want to answer another riddle,” said Brock Stew ‘26, “but I really appreciate him telling us. The only thing worse than making a mean decision is making a mean decision and then not telling anyone. Obviously we would have found out anyway, and can you imagine the backlash once that happens?” At the end of the press conference, Sklunk was seen retreating into his cave built entirely from Princeton-branded merchandise with a list labeled, “Hardest Riddles Around.”