Analyzing Global Dynamics and Unraveling Key Policy Initiatives
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
Just for You
Recent News
An Inside Look at Whig-Clio Hazing
We showed up to Whig Hall with cat food, hot sauce, liquor, gold fish, copies of the Declaration of Independence and gallons of milk. We were kept waiting out in…
The Heir of Whitman Returns
Shortly after the most recent case of meningitis was reported on campus, University Spokesperson Martin Mbugua confirmed that the mysterious “Heir of Whitman” had left another message promising further meningococcal…
Woman Can’t
After being confronted with an article from a media aggregator which she saw on the social media page of an acquaintance, area woman Maria Hastings, 21, confirmed Wednesday that she…
Spires and Gargoyles – December 2013
Yesterday, I went to the office of President Eisgruber to request he accept my resignation from the position of Chairman of The Princeton Tiger and, consequently, director of covert operations…
US Government Institutes “Big Brother” Program
The Administration for Children and Families announced plans this week to implement a new nation-wide mentorship program for underprivileged youth starting in 2014. The program, dubbed “Big Brother” by the…
Ivy Cocktail Night Secret Shopping List
A drink is only as good as its ingredients. Accept no substitutes, except in Autumn, when pumpkin spice can in some cases be substituted for a seasonal twist.
Eisgruber’s Presidency as told by his Bing® Search History
bing about.com constitutional law urban dictionary provost 2 Chainz music videos coursera reviews online phD pronunciation of Mbugua University of Phoenix Do I need a PhD? who is kwame appiah…
Student Regrets Not Spending More Time Studying Alone
A local student reports that if he could change one aspect of his college experience, it would be the lack of time spent studying alone in his room in the…
Free & For Sale
FOR SALE 460 ft of Dinky track A night with John Nash President Eisgruber’s throne 1,000 Cap passes torn down the middle Prototype Quad passes (never used) One meningitis (please…
Missing Child Discovered in Dorm
On Wednesday, October 16, a two-year-old child was found in a single in Bloomberg during a routine fire inspection. The toddler was discovered sitting in a hamper-turned-playpen, playing with a…
Princeton Shoots to #1, Harvard on Rapid Decline
Leading experts in college analysis have determined that Princeton is objectively better than Harvard. According to a committee of feuding alumni at US News Magazine, Princeton has achieved a US…
Princeton’s Endowment is Huge
“I always saw ads on the internet that promised to make my applicant pool bigger and stronger, and I never believed them,” said Eisgruber. “But one day, I clicked, and,…
Grade Deflation Committee Finds Students’ Grades Still Too High, Recommends 10% A’s
The faculty committee created by University President Chris Eisgruber to assess the University’s grading policy released its findings well ahead of schedule on Tuesday, recommending that no more than 10…
Loki the Hedgehog Faces Disciplinary Action for Adderall Use
PRINCETON, NJ — In an effort to raise students’ spirits and provide light-hearted inspiration for those studying into the wee hours of the morning during midterms week, the Office of…
#SocialMediaInternManifesto
Before us in the halls of history are those we are told are heroes: Hemingway, Churchill, Bonaparte. We have rejected them. We have selected our heroes: Tripler, dril, dogboner. We…
Mini Games
Wordle
Guess words from 4 to 11 letters and create your own puzzles.
Letter Boxed
Create words using letters around the square.
Magic Tiles
Match elements and keep your chain going.
Chess Reply
Play Historic chess games.