Analyzing Global Dynamics and Unraveling Key Policy Initiatives
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
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Recent News
Student Compares Freshman Math Exam to Act of Profound Human Slaughter
Barry Saunders, a prospective Woody Woo concentrator, who has been taking the introductory mathematics class P/D/F since the first week, vehemently expressed his disapproval for the challenging material presented on…
Early Admissions
-AD '16
Sorry, We Cannot Offer You a Bid
It’s with sincere regret that I must inform you that we cannot offer you membership into 19 Club, Princeton’s premier all-male, secret tobacco smoking society. I guess you could say…
Capmandon’t
I’ve been doing some contract work lately. Anscombe Society stuff. Why? Cause I’m the best in the biz, that’s why. I’ve been preventing hookups since you were wearing diapers, kid.…
Princeton’s Secrets Revealed
You may have been on campus for two, three, even four years by this point, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still have questions about this place and the secrets…
WAKE UP SHEEPLE
For too long the DAILY PRINCETONIAN has LIED to HARD-WORKING AMERICANS of this University, taking orders directly from the corporate clowns of HARVARD UNIVERSITY and promoting a CRIMSON AGENDA.
Secret Listservs
ListServs tell us everything we need to know about food we won’t eat, events we won’t attend, and clubs we won’t participate in. Here are a few ListServs you probably…
A Message From Jay Bush
Bush’s traditional policy of recipe secrecy will always encourage speculation like this, so I have decided to finally reveal part of our secret recipe.
Quad Invents Eighth Day, Hundreds Disappear
Charter had Fridays. Cottage had Sundays. And even Tower had something. But one club stood among the rest without a day to its name. Quad. The humiliation was staggering. That’s…
How to Make Your Secret Crush Notice You in 15 Easy Steps
1. Be Bold! Guys like bold. Send an email with a menial request to a listserv you knowhe’s on. Use a bold font. 2. Show him a sign! Slip a…
A Lonely Place
I sat in the dark, face lit only by the gentle hues of an unrefreshed Friendsy page. How could I sleep, knowing full well my woman could be out with…
Student Becomes First to Ever Read Traffic Alert Email, Discovers Warren of Madness
Gabriella Garcia Vargas ’17 recently became the first person to read the entirety of a University “Traffic Alert” email, inadvertently discovering a dark hive of unimaginable, soul-shearing insanity in the…
Ask Dr. Sex
A lot of people have asked me where my favorite place to do the sex is. I always tell these people that there is no place better than Prospect Garden.…
Secrets to a Shredded Bod
Worried about packing on that winter weight? Looking to ward off the Freshman Fifteen? Tired of your preceptor calling you Fatty McLovehandles? Whatever your reason, you want to get shredded.…
All-Nighter Liveblog
Looks like I’ve put off my philosophy paper until the last minute! It’s on Kant… as in I KANT deal with this right now! So I’m gonna live blog my…
Mini Games
Wordle
Guess words from 4 to 11 letters and create your own puzzles.
Letter Boxed
Create words using letters around the square.
Magic Tiles
Match elements and keep your chain going.
Chess Reply
Play Historic chess games.