Analyzing Global Dynamics and Unraveling Key Policy Initiatives
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
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If Other Authors Had Been Disillusioned by Princeton
It’s well known that F. Scott Fitzgerald was disillusioned by what he saw as the decadence of Princeton life, but he sells the University short. That’s not to say he…
How to Be Funny
College is one of the few opportunities you’ll ever get to totally reinvent yourself. No one on campus knows your high school nickname was “Prince Shartsalot” or that you ‘accidentally’…
Reasons You Chose Princeton
You thought it might help your chances of getting into Cottage. You didn’t know Princeton was in New Jersey. For the chance to scream “More like ASSau Hall!” when you…
A Letter to Eisgruber: Eisgruber’s Response
Yesterday, our Chairman sent this e-mail to President Eisgruber. Much to our surprise, he soon replied. -------------------------------------------- Dear Timothy, Thank you for these extremely delinquent congratulations. As you might imagine,…
A Letter to Eisgruber
On Monday, July 1st, 2013, Christopher L. Eisgruber became the 20th President of Princeton University. The following is a real e-mail sent by our Chairman to the incoming president on…
Furious Tilghman Unleashes Full Brunt of Weather Machine
Princeton University President Shirley Tilghman, angered for unexplained reasons, has been using her personal weather machine to wreak havoc on the University campus.
LARPer Strike Threatens Virtual Reality
For years, the virtual reality industry has been stagnant. Despite the kind of large amount of money spent on research, the technology required to accurately represent sensations, mimic senses, and…
Rules of Writing in a Creative Fiction Class
New South stands for tangible possibility, a concrete beacon of unkempt potential standing amidst the collegiate gothic plain of suburban New Jersey.
11 Tips for Awkward Interactions
Stepping onto the sidewalk means facing a world wrought with potential dangers. Oh crap, look, it’s someone you know! You’re supposed to remember their name. Do you say hi first,…
Excuses For Your Busted Bracket
As the Round of Fleeting Hope slides into the Bittersweet Sixteen, you will need a way to recoup self-esteem and deflect criticism that both of your predicted championship game participants…
Bootleg Eating Clubs
Because F. Pretensions
Songs To Have Sex To
Get me in the mood.
Space Dating
Are you single? More importantly, are you desperate? Finally, do you want to cross the border between planets and species into a realm of pleasures unknown? Our guide to intergalactic…
How 2 Get Laid
Listen. Do you hear that? That’s the sound of a thousand lonely women. That’s the sound of failure. Fortunately, I’m here to turn that frown sound upside down. After pussy-hounding…
Led Zeppelin IV: A Sex Diary
Led Zeppelin's iconic fourth record is quite possibly the biggest, meanest, sexiest rock album of all time. So I fucked to it. Get ready. It's Led Zeppelin IV, a sex…
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