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Moral Dilemmas
Some times in life we are forced to make those tough decisions, where morality is hard (if not impossible) to discern. Here are a few ethical dilemmas that will make you question your…
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Lazy Freshman Doesn’t Even Have an Internship for After Graduation
In a show of laziness unparalleled in University history, first-year Doug Gander ’23 has yet to secure an internship for…
With a New Class Matriculating, A Renewed Debate about Princeton’s Employment of House-Elves
As the class of 2023 piles into the res colleges and becomes acquainted with our community’s unique way of keeping…
Pick-Up Lines for Culturally-Literate Lovers
Looking to score on the Street but not sure how to make the first move? Try one of the sizzlin’…
Excited Princeton Freshman Attends Football Game, Is Sole Attendant
This past Sunday, freshman Pete Potterman made his way to Powers Field to join what he thought would be an…
Disappointing: Eisgruber Will not Construct Large Statue of Woodrow Wilson’s Penis
After years of backlash from the Princeton student body concerning the Woodrow Wilson School and other structures named after the…
A Guide to Tackling Imposter Syndrome at Princeton (By a Student Who Did Not Get into Princeton)
So, you made it to Princeton! Chances are you’re looking forward an exciting life under the orange bubble, but what…
President Eisgruber Apologizes for Leaving Notre Dame Voodoo Doll in Fine Hall
An embarrassed President Eisgruber apologized in a press conference Monday for indirectly causing the Notre Dame fire by leaving a…
Parents Beware: The Latest Teen Trend is Contracting Polio
It’s no secret that teens fawn over the aesthetic allure of the past, idolizing bygones like Audrey Hepburn’s fashion sense,…