Analyzing Global Dynamics and Unraveling Key Policy Initiatives
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Letter from the Editor-in-Chief: Reflections on Four Years of Failure
I HAVE FAILED THIS INSTITUTION. I have spent four years as part of The Princeton Tiger, the campus’ one and only intentionally funny publication (I said “intentionally,” Tory, Prince), and…
Porphyria’s Hookup
The rain set early in to-night, The sullen wind was soon awake, It tore past Elm Drive pre-game lights, And did its worst to vex the Lake: I listen’d with…
Reading as Writing: A Nass Article About Reading a Nass Article
When I was little, I wasn’t the kid throwing the football, playing with a dollhouse, or throwing a football at a dollhouse—I was the one with a book. My parents,…
Blood and the Badge: An Agent Powers Story
Written by Public Safety Officer Brian Powers Agent Powers crept down the filthy hallway of the decrepit commune. Shifty eyes gleamed menacingly from behind crooked doors. It was a…
Testing Tips for Finals Period from the Honor Code Committee
It’s that time of the year again. Final exams are upon us and with finals come Honor Code violations. There’s always a lot of question about policies and we here…
We Need to Have a Pluralistic, Open-Minded Debate About Your Sex Life
By Anne Scombe ’16 America is changing, and so are our moral values and sexual ethics. I appreciate several of the changes that have happened in our culture over the…
Robert George Has Fucking Crazy Newman’s Day
Shortly after waking up in a garbage can behind Frist Food Gallery on Saturday night, Robert P. George, the McCormick Professor of Jurisprudence at Princeton University, proudly announced to Tiger…
Princeton’s New Hot Profession: Divestment Banker
Gone are the days when the graduating class of Princeton University would descend en masse onto Lower Manhattan to take their spots in the trading floors and brokerage houses of Wall…
Student Proves Opinion Correct by Posting Picture of Self on Facebook
Percy Worthington ’16 proved his opinion correct by posting a picture of himself on Facebook, sources say, pioneering a new 21st century style of argumentation that logicians are calling argumentum…
University Affirms It’s In Favor of the Rest of the Constitution, Too
After issuing a vague statement passionately insisting that they support the First Amendment, which, presumably, they already did, Princeton’s faculty announced Friday that they also supported the main body of the…
USG Cancels Big Sean At Lawnparties, Uses Money To Buy Corvette
Decision Blamed on "Ungrateful" Students Disappointed at what they termed a "thankless student body" after their Lawnparties announcement, the leaders of the Undergraduate Student Government today shocked Princeton University by…
Admissions Officers Admit to Spying After Prospective Students Find University Cameras in their Homes
On Tuesday, March 31, Princeton University released its admissions decisions to regular-decision applicants around the world. However, decision letters aren’t the only thing from admissions now inside students’ homes.…
The Mysterious Life of the Sexually Frustrated: A Documentary
In this orange bubble, there lives a breed that can sit in the library for hours on end, create cellular applications, and invest in derivatives. While they may look primitive,…
“There Is No God”: One Man’s Quest to Win an Amazon Gift Card by Taking Psych Thesis Surveys
Four years. Four years, I have tried. Four years—four years! four years! I have tried. Four years, I have failed! I have tried everything now. My name is on all…
As Measles Panic Spreads, Witch Hunt Begins
In the wake of the measles outbreak that has plunged Princeton Bay Colony into utter chaos, causing livestock and grain to vanish, shopkeepers to shutter their windows, and scores of…
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