Valentine’s Day 2013
PRESS RELEASE: Hardee’s Introduces New Fuckburger
THE SOUTH — In keeping with the Hardee’s tradition of providing all-American, grass-fed meat to all-American, grass-fed men (but not vegetarians, because what are we, fucking Jamba Juice? Queer.), Hardee’s…
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Lasted Valentine's Day 2013
A Letter To My 18-Year-Old Self
Dear 18-Year-Old Self, You bubble with independence and are surrounded by a campus of like-minded individuals in a sea of…
A Letter to the Rando Who Just Friend Requested Me
Dear Stephanie King, Thank you for your friend request! You seem like a very nice girl. But, maybe that’s just…
Shakespeare Love Quotes, Translated
Quote: "Love sought is good, but given unsought is better." Translation: Spontaneous “I love you” texts really go a long way.…
Valentine’s Day Gift Guide
What Your Girlfriend Wants 50 Shades of Black: the more hardcore sequel to 50 Shades of Gray. “Have you running…
Love Is…
Love is a Battlefield episode, specifically "Scandinavia: The Forgotten Front," that you watched in precept with her. Love is not…
Real Pickup Lines
Want to cleave her loins, but worry she's on the lookout for canned phrases that might give away your singleminded…
Love and lust in the bubble: My Desdemona
As Frost once wrote, "at last came a knock." You appeared at my door, hair golden in the phosphorescent glow…