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A Draft of the Class of 2017 Admissions Letter
Dear Admitted Student, Congratulations! You are coming to Princeton. It has been pre-ordained. Not by the stars (we control those)…
A Benedict XVI Presidency?
On Monday, His Holiness Benedict XVI announced his resignation from the papacy, shocking the world and igniting speculation that he…
Winter Break Hibernation
Most Princeton students already meet the main physiological prerequisite for hibernation: massive intake of food, which is then stored in…
Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green
Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy…
Scalia Writes “Rights” on a Piece of Paper, Pisses on It
Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia makes some controversial remarks at Princeton.
Writing Seminar in One Quiz
Basic Vocabulary, Ethics, and Linguistics Quiz Directions: Complete the following questions to the best of your ability. Multiple-choice problems have…
5 Car Ride Games for the Ivy Leaguer
If you are driving or riding home for Winter Break and want a fun activity to pass the time, but…
An Open Letter to the Squirrel On Elm Drive (You Know Who You Are)
Dear Squirrel, you probably don’t remember me, considering that you were too busy being a dick. I tried to get…