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Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green

Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy League’s kinky sex arms race escalated. Yesterday, Princeton University issued…

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C.

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English Language to Recall “Literally”

After an unfortunate malfunction in a Manhattan home, the English language has decided to recall the word “literally.” When 17-year-old…

By
Alex Judge

Civil War Death Toll Continues to Rise

  The ongoing death toll of the American Civil War continues to rise. Last week, the New York Times reported…

By
Matt Gwin

Scandal of the Century on The Biggest Loser

After 7 seasons of winning the hearts of millions of Americans with its life-changing success stories of helping morbidly obese…

By
Alex Judge

Indians Pitcher Fausto Carmona/Roberto Hernandez is Actually 39-Year-Old Accountant Walter Pembrook

More legal trouble surfaced Tuesday for the Cleveland Indians in the saga of the pitcher formerly known as Fausto Carmona.…

By
Matt Gwin

Surprising Demographic Behind Putin Protests

Moscow, Russia - Last week, Vladimir Putin was elected president of Russia for the 3rd time. The world’s eyes have…

By
Matt Gwin

Law & Order: SUV Not Renewed for Third Season Due to Lack of Puns

NBC has announced that it will not renew its cop-automobile-drama Law and Order: SUV for a third season. “We simply…

By
Matt Gwin

Texas A&M Spurs SEC to Join EU; Greece to Big East

The NCAA athletics conference realignment saga entered a new episode yesterday with further reshuffling.  Just a month after Texas A&M…

By
Matt Gwin

Newt Gingrich Increases List of Things He Promises To Fix That The President Has No Control Over

Pundits and voters were abuzz last week over GOP presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich's new economic plan, in which he promised…

By
Matt Gwin