Analyzing Global Dynamics and Unraveling Key Policy Initiatives
We are just an advanced breed of monkeys on a minor planet of a very average star. But we can understand the Universe. That makes us something very special.
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Real Pickup Lines
Want to cleave her loins, but worry she's on the lookout for canned phrases that might give away your singleminded pursuit of her Virtue? Read ahead! Because right now, for…
Love and lust in the bubble: My Desdemona
As Frost once wrote, "at last came a knock." You appeared at my door, hair golden in the phosphorescent glow of the lights that lined our hall. You looked at…
How To Be Sex Positive
Throwing an event? Put out a condom bowl, or put condoms in gift bags! Put condoms in the food and drinks. Place a hex on your guests so condoms spill…
PRESS RELEASE: Hardee’s Introduces New Fuckburger
THE SOUTH — In keeping with the Hardee’s tradition of providing all-American, grass-fed meat to all-American, grass-fed men (but not vegetarians, because what are we, fucking Jamba Juice? Queer.), Hardee’s…
Manti Te’o’s REVISED Tips For A Lasting Relationship With The Girl Of Your Dreams
1. Branch Out Don’t limit yourself to meeting people in real physical locations, or even on internet dating sites. Open your search to ALL websites—anyone with a social networking account…
Man Sues Ancient Mayans, Claims Fraud
John S. Worthen, 43, has filed a suit in Rhode Island state court against “the ancient Mayans and affiliate gods” whose incorrect prediction of the end of days he views…
Lance Armstrong Admits To Doping Oprah Interview
Lance Armstrong admitted today to doping and using steroids, blood boosters, and illegal blood transfusions in an interview with Oprah Winfrey. As a result, he has been stripped of his…
On Having Finals After Break
To having finals after break I'd favor burning at the stake. At least the fire wouldn't take as long as death by Monster shake. At MIT, they may play Quake…
Winter Break Hibernation
Most Princeton students already meet the main physiological prerequisite for hibernation: massive intake of food, which is then stored in fat deposits in order to survive the winter. However, not…
Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green
Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy League’s kinky sex arms race escalated. Yesterday, Princeton University issued…
Scalia Writes “Rights” on a Piece of Paper, Pisses on It
Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia makes some controversial remarks at Princeton.
Writing Seminar in One Quiz
Basic Vocabulary, Ethics, and Linguistics Quiz Directions: Complete the following questions to the best of your ability. Multiple-choice problems have only one answer. Please clearly indicate your answer. Respond to…
7 Commercial Cars That Were Secretly Death Machines
1. Audi 5000 Before it was making sleek, futuristic sex-mobiles to satisfy the mid-life crises of the world’s richest assholes, Audi was a struggling car company making deals with the devil.…
5 Car Ride Games for the Ivy Leaguer
If you are driving or riding home for Winter Break and want a fun activity to pass the time, but have outgrown the childish and non-elitist car-ride games of your…
Mini Games
Wordle
Guess words from 4 to 11 letters and create your own puzzles.
Letter Boxed
Create words using letters around the square.
Magic Tiles
Match elements and keep your chain going.
Chess Reply
Play Historic chess games.