Jim Valcourt
‘Twas the Night Post-Commencement
‘Twas the night post-commencement When all through my head Not a thought there was stirring But fear, doubt,…
What Is Best In Life?
 Bill Murray riding Bruce Willis down a sand dune on Mars bro carrying a handful of police badges…
Moro Islamic Liberation Front Changes Name to Avoid Confusion with Attractive Middle-Aged Mothers
MANILA - Since its inception in 1981, the Moro Islamic Liberation Front (MILF) has been one of the…
19 Ways to Spend Valentine’s Day
Watch a sappy movie with your friends. Cook a really nice dinner and treat yourself. Go to that…
5 Things that Piss Me Off in Skyrim
Like most of the American, male, 14-24 year old population, for the past two months I’ve been playing…
Dan Brown in High School
Ever wonder what kind of childhood turns a normal writer into Dan Brown? Well, now you know.
A Brief Commentary on the Lyrics of Kanye West’s Verses in E.T. by Katy Perry
I got a dirty mind/ I got filthy ways/ I’m tryna bathe my ape in your Milky Way…
Why Jason Derülo is the Pinnacle of Musical Ingenuity
He sings his name before every song You know what it is. You’re rocking out to some dope-ass…
Joe Paterno Also Covered Up Who Killed JFK, Where Other Sock Goes In Dryer
In a shocking new twist in the Penn State case, disgraced former head of the Penn State football program…
TZ Horton’s Biweekly Terminological Repertoire
Unbepissed – adj.  the quality of not having been urinated upon. An absolutely necessary word which serves the…
An Open Letter to Batman
Dear Batman, You probably don’t know me. But I know you—very well. It was a cool evening last…
Canada and Russia Join Forces to Spread Global Warming
MOSCOW - Canada and Russia, the two former Cold War enemies, have recently found that they have far…
CollegeBoard Reveals New Line-up SATs Aimed at Younger Audience
CollegeBoard President Gaston Caperton announced last Sunday on the company’s official website a new slew of preparatory tests…
How to Secretly Fall Asleep in Class
Chemistry What you’ll need: Course textbook Procedure: Choose a seat near the back of the classroom Put the…
What Your Location in Lecture Says About You
The Professor Location: Stands at the very front of the room. He is also the only person standing…