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Annual Nobel Prizefighters’ Deathmatch Ends in Unprecedented Carnage
The 109th Nobel Prize ceremony's popular annual laureate reunion death match to the death and subsequent country club…
The Adventures of Protagacles
Tell me, O muse, of that resourceful man Protagacles who wandered far and wide after ravaging the sacred…
King of Pop’s Death Sparks Bloody War of Succession
Michael Jackson, the long-reigning King of Pop, has died, leaving behind a bankrupt estate, grieving subjects, and a…
Notes on Diversity: An Open Letter to President Tilghman
Dear President Tilghman, I was recently speaking with a prospective student about the process of applying to college,…
Superheroes: Where Are They Now?
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: After a silent coup, they are overtaken by the Middle-Aged Naturally Selected Pirate Tortoises…
Spider-man 4 Script Leaked
Scene 1 Setting: Tobey Maguire’s apartment. Our intrepid hero, Spider-Man director Sam Raimi, meets with Tobey Maguire to…
Princeton Course Offerings 3009
Princeton University Course Offerings, Spring Term 3009 AAS100: Introduction to African-American Studies Description: The toils and troubles of…
Israeli-Palestinian Conflict Solved
The Israeli-Palestinian conflict, a searing clash that has ripped the Middle East apart, cost countless lives and commanded…
Profiles of Strong Women in Science: Susan C. Frericks
When Susan C. Frericks began her career in genomics ten years ago, no one took her seriously. Â "It…
Alabamans Terrified By Russian Invasion of Georgia
Residents of Alabama expressed shock and disbelief when they learned of Russia's invasion of Georgia last month. As…
Chairman’s Address – September 2008
I'm probably not the first person to say this, and I probably won't be the last, and neither…
U.S. News & World Successfully Curbs Rank Inflation – Princeton Administrators Unaware of Irony
In what Princetonians across the nation are calling "bullshit," the university has fallen to second place in U.S.…
Unicyclist Reports Theft of Front of Bike
PRINCETON, NJ - The unicyclist spotted riding around campus has reported the theft of the front of his…
J. Crew Pleased With Diversity Efforts
According to sources in the company, J. Crew's management is positively tickled pink by the success of Princeton's…