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Oh God, We Can’t Stop

What luck. After 25 years of fruitless research, I tentatively present that my team may have finally found another long-lost piece of history’s puzzle. From this day forward, our understanding of twenty-first century life will never be the same.

Princeton’s Endowment is Huge

“I always saw ads on the internet that promised to make my applicant pool bigger and stronger, and I never believed them,” said Eisgruber. “But one day, I clicked, and, well—here we are.”