Archive for the ‘Opinion’ Category

On Running A Country

There are many campus publications that give suggestions on how America or other countries should be run; they provide a much-needed voice for the Ivy League elitist constituency that is so often ignored in our government. (One wonders what a country we would have if only it were run by Ivy Leaguers!)...
September 18th, 2010 | Opinion | Read More

Ways My Beard Makes Me Seem Thoughtful and Worldly

Sometimes I’ll soak my mustache in scotch before going out to a social event. Then, during conversation, I’ll suck on it and then make some pronouncement like, “This ten-year single-malt has an excellent bouquet.” Since nobody else wants to suck on my mustache, nobody can tell me that...
September 15th, 2010 | Opinion | Read More

Why “Step Up 3D” Is A Threat To America

When I first saw the original Step Up, I felt strangely unnerved. Perhaps I was afraid that the movie would finally force me to abandon my life of crime to embrace the healing power of dance. Maybe I was saddened that I would never experience the thrill of forced community service in an urban arts...
August 4th, 2010 | Opinion | Read More

Modern Applications of Dueling

Marriage. Voting. Worship. Many pundits praise these institutions as the foundations of our society, the traditional moral pillars that keep us from degeneration. Yet for over a century one key practice has been conspicuously absent from this list: dueling. Dueling once played the noble role of allowing...
May 8th, 2010 | Opinion | Read More

Discrimination By (Lack of) Sex

Affirmative action is a contentious policy. Of late, women and African Americans such as Hillary Clinton, Sarah Palin, and Barack Obama have modeled visible progress, so proponents of affirmative action have reason to be ecstatic. Yet as discrimination in the workforce becomes less and less acceptable,...
February 16th, 2010 | Opinion | Read More

Burqas: A Scientific Defense

Burqas: A Scientific Defense A fundamental principle of modern sociological thought is the legendary syllogism that states that mo’ money yields mo’ bitches yields mo’ problems, or the “Gangsta’s Chain.” An oft-neglected corollary to the Chain derives from the postulate that it is to the...
December 3rd, 2009 | Opinion | Read More

To Life! and, er… Death!

My grandmother died recently and her funeral was very nice. Except for the iridescent pink coffin. Otherwise it was very touching. The singing was nice, sort of a barber-shop quartet done acappella. I was sufficiently disturbed by the pink coffin, however, to recognize that I should leave instructions...
November 25th, 2007 | Opinion | Read More

Walk for the Cure

Someone knocked on my door the other day, and asked me if I would give them money to inspire their walking around in a circle.  Understandably, I told him to fellatiate a goat.  Why should I pay him money when he just walked all the way here for free? Don’t get me wrong; I hate cancer.  But...
March 10th, 2004 | Opinion | Read More