Dear Squirrel, you probably don’t remember me, considering that you were too busy being a dick. I tried to get by you on the street, but no. You were too busy turning an acorn around in your weird little skeletal paws. Not even eating it or intending to bury it. Just spinning it.
Mondays are band-aids that take 24 hours to rip off; weekly plagues sent from above to ensure people never have fun for more than six days in a row, unless you’re on vacation, in which case, karma will get you eventually. But if the human race collectively hates Mondays with such passion, why keep them around?
Dirty-looking white guy standing over a grill? We’re talking to you. Your mix of flannel and apron is neither aesthetically pleasing nor oozing sex appeal. And let’s face it, you’re probably going to burn the shit out of those steaks and end up ordering Domino’s anyway.
I will start off by admitting that I have not read this book. I bought it on a whim during my cat phase. I
Bill Murray riding Bruce Willis down a sand dune on Mars bro carrying a handful of police badges drenched in Ovaltine in his right
Sometimes, when I like a Facebook photo fifteen seconds after it’s been posted, I’ll get a comment like, “Of course it doesn’t take you
Feeling depressed? Looking for new meaning in life? Easily manipulated? Want to give us all your possessions learn about asceticism and perform slave labor
Dear Large Law Enforcement Agency, As an employee of Small Law Enforcement Agency I am very upset by the arrival of your Large Law
So I just saw the latest Harry Potter movie, and loved it. But as soon as I left the theater and entered the nearest