Tag: The Secret Issue
Sorry, We Cannot Offer You a Bid
It’s with sincere regret that I must inform you that we cannot offer you membership into 19 Club,…
Capmandon’t
I’ve been doing some contract work lately. Anscombe Society stuff. Why? Cause I’m the best in the biz,…
Princeton’s Secrets Revealed
You may have been on campus for two, three, even four years by this point, but that doesn’t…
WAKE UP SHEEPLE
For too long the DAILY PRINCETONIAN has LIED to HARD-WORKING AMERICANS of this University, taking orders directly from…
Secret Listservs
ListServs tell us everything we need to know about food we won’t eat, events we won’t attend, and…
A Message From Jay Bush
Bush’s traditional policy of recipe secrecy will always encourage speculation like this, so I have decided to finally…
Quad Invents Eighth Day, Hundreds Disappear
Charter had Fridays. Cottage had Sundays. And even Tower had something. But one club stood among the rest…
How to Make Your Secret Crush Notice You in 15 Easy Steps
1. Be Bold! Guys like bold. Send an email with a menial request to a listserv you knowhe’s…
A Lonely Place
I sat in the dark, face lit only by the gentle hues of an unrefreshed Friendsy page. How…
Student Becomes First to Ever Read Traffic Alert Email, Discovers Warren of Madness
Gabriella Garcia Vargas ’17 recently became the first person to read the entirety of a University “Traffic Alert”…
Secrets to a Shredded Bod
Worried about packing on that winter weight? Looking to ward off the Freshman Fifteen? Tired of your preceptor…