Sci/Tech
Genius Roommate Knows Exactly What Characters in The Thing Should Have Done
In an unexpected turn of events, local roommate Keith Anderson declared that he had solved the dilemma of the characters in John Carpenter’s 1982 sci-fi horror film, The Thing. In…
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Internal Monologue of Buzz Aldrin as Neil Armstrong Becomes the First Man to Walk on the Moon
There he goes. Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon in my last pair of clean underwear.…
Princeton Fraternity Sends Pledges to Mars
Yesterday afternoon, Princeton fraternity Sigma Omega Kappa announced that they have officially become the first collegiate fraternity, or organization of any kind, to successfully…
Newly Discovered Planet Can Support Life, But Not Hip Hop. And What Kind of a Life is That?
NASA announced Thursday the discovery of a new planet that, under the right circumstances, could viably support human life. However, as NASA’s report went on…
Disappointing Wormhole Leads Directly to Sizzler in Muncie, Indiana
Earlier this week, NASA probe 141-R made international news by successfully pinpointing the location of the first ever documented wormhole. The probe’s previously mundane…
Alternative Dating Apps
Not having any luck on Tinder, Grindr, or OKCupid? Sick of meeting people over Craigslist and repeatedly getting kidnapped? Bored of…
Emoticons for an Evolving Age
Sometimes a crude, punctuation-based picture is worth a small collection of words. And in this age of smartphones, where texting…
Everyone On Facebook Zuckerberg Except You
Only weeks after Facebook announced it had reached 1 billion users, a federal investigations commission has published a report revealing…
Scientists Eradicate Cancer: World Better Off
Big news shook the heavens yesterday as the Universal Regulation and Astronomical Science Society (URASS) decided to remove Cancer from…