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Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green
Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy League’s kinky sex arms race escalated. Yesterday, Princeton University issued…
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New Movies Inspired By Independence Day
In light of the modest financial success of the recently-released Independence Day: Resurgence, producers have started to mine less-popular holidays…
Total Loser Freshman Not Yet Found His Place on Campus
University administrators were shocked to learn Tuesday, that piece-of-shit freshman Jeremy Barton had not yet managed to find his own…
How Advertising is Destroying the Freedom of the Press [Sponsored Content]
If Generation X was the Pepsi Generation, then Millennials are the Consumer Generation. In a world where young people primarily…
Student Accepts Finance Internship, Sells Soul to Satan
Princeton sophomore Lydia Emerson was just about to give up any hope of finding a summer internship when she got…
Ted Cruz Fails Turing Test
After conducting several laboratory experiments and carefully analyzing sound bites from debates, speeches, and advertisements, a highly trained team of…
Two Weeks After Winning His First Oscar, Leonardo DiCaprio Hopes to Finally Lose His Virginity
Los Angeles— Ever since Leonardo DiCaprio won his first Academy Award for his performance in Alejandro González Iñárritu’s The Revenant,…
Community Events This Month
Dec 16-17: Jingle and Mingle: Join Holly Parsons of WB4-North for the Annual “Jingle and Mingle.” Semi-formal dress encouraged. Cocktails…
Princeton Fraternity Sends Pledges to Mars
Yesterday afternoon, Princeton fraternity Sigma Omega Kappa announced that they have officially become the first collegiate fraternity, or organization of any kind, to successfully…