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Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green
Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy League’s kinky sex arms race escalated. Yesterday, Princeton University issued…
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Man Sues Ancient Mayans, Claims Fraud
John S. Worthen, 43, has filed a suit in Rhode Island state court against “the ancient Mayans and affiliate gods”…
Lance Armstrong Admits To Doping Oprah Interview
Lance Armstrong admitted today to doping and using steroids, blood boosters, and illegal blood transfusions in an interview with Oprah…
Scalia Writes “Rights” on a Piece of Paper, Pisses on It
Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia makes some controversial remarks at Princeton.
Nate Silver Predicts Butler Will Be Swing College In USG Election
Political analyst Nate Silver, known for his highly accurate predictions in the recent presidential election, has weighed in on this…
Fire Safety to Administer Literal Fire Drills Tuesday
In a follow-up to their Thursday email regarding the upcoming fire drills, Housing Operations announced today that they were putting…
Bonfire Accidently Built on Cannon Instead of Cannon Green
University maintenance, having missed the word “Green” in a university memo, accidentally built Saturday’s bonfire on Cannon Dial Elm Club…
Everyone On Facebook Zuckerberg Except You
Only weeks after Facebook announced it had reached 1 billion users, a federal investigations commission has published a report revealing…
Scientists Eradicate Cancer: World Better Off
Big news shook the heavens yesterday as the Universal Regulation and Astronomical Science Society (URASS) decided to remove Cancer from…