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Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green
Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy League’s kinky sex arms race escalated. Yesterday, Princeton University issued…
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President Eisgruber Steps Down, Cites Three-Year Affair with David Petraeus
In a move that has shaken the Princeton community to its very core, President Christopher L. Eisgruber resigned from his…
Obama and Iran’s President Speak by Phone, Begin Texting
Mere days after Friday’s momentous disclosure that the presidents of the United States and Iran had talked on the phone…
Presidential Initiation Investigated for Hazing
Being the President of Princeton University has its responsibilities. Controlling the direction of the nation’s most prestigious research institution, managing…
Furious Tilghman Unleashes Full Brunt of Weather Machine
Princeton University President Shirley Tilghman, angered for unexplained reasons, has been using her personal weather machine to wreak havoc on…
LARPer Strike Threatens Virtual Reality
For years, the virtual reality industry has been stagnant. Despite the kind of large amount of money spent on research,…
Mom & Pop Sex Shop To Close
Amateur sex enthusiasts Agnes and James Rafano, tired of enjoying a simply above-average sex life, decided to go pro and…
A Benedict XVI Presidency?
On Monday, His Holiness Benedict XVI announced his resignation from the papacy, shocking the world and igniting speculation that he…
PRESS RELEASE: Hardee’s Introduces New Fuckburger
THE SOUTH — In keeping with the Hardee’s tradition of providing all-American, grass-fed meat to all-American, grass-fed men (but not…