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Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green
Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy League’s kinky sex arms race escalated. Yesterday, Princeton University issued…
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TigerMag Claims Responsibility for TigerRank, Notre Dame
On Tuesday April 30, 2019, 5 days after the website’s major day of operation, Princeton humor organization The Princeton Tiger,…
Princeton Administration Declines to Reform Sexual Honor Code
The Princeton administration has announced that, despite the recent passage of a referendum on the Honor Code, they will not…
New Initiative Will Encourage Athletes And Non-Athletes To Interact More During Sports Practices
Citing a perceived divide between the two segments of the student body, President Eisgruber today announced a new initiative to…
Kavanaugh’s Compelling Defense: I Was Raised a Man in American Society
WASHINGTON D.C . --- At the historic hearing concerning the sexual assault allegations against Supreme Court nominee Judge Brett Kavanaugh,…
Mattel’s Bold New Line of Barbie Dolls
Throughout her illustrious history, Barbie has held a wide variety of professions. However, she still has not reached the full…
Probability Theorists Baffled By Odds Of 57 Women Falsely Accusing Harvey Weinstein of Sexual Misconduct
As the accusers of Harvey Weinstein tell their stories, statisticians and mathematicians alike are in awe of the sheer improbability…
A Victory for Feminism: The Nations of the World Decided to Refight World War I, But Just for Women this Time
In a huge step for gender equality, representatives from all the nations that participated in World War I have decided…
Scientists Successfully Synthesize First Ever Particle of Platonic Male-Female Friendship
In what is being hailed as a victory for theoretical physicists and social psychologists alike, researchers at the Institute for…