Letters
A Rejection Letter
Dear Ms. Padecki, I regret to inform you that I will not be moving forward with your application for the role of “girlfriend”. While your qualifications were certainly impressive and…
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Lasted Letters
Letter from the Editor-in-Chief: Reflections on Four Years of Failure
I HAVE FAILED THIS INSTITUTION. I have spent four years as part of The Princeton Tiger, the campus’ one and…
Reading as Writing: A Nass Article About Reading a Nass Article
When I was little, I wasn’t the kid throwing the football, playing with a dollhouse, or throwing a football at…
Match.com Customer Care Ticket #42653
Dear Mr. Maxwell, Thank you for reaching out to the Match.com Customer Service Center. We hope this response to your…
Humor is Worthless
People say that satire has the power to educate and change and even assert its author’s own opinions. They are…
Sorry, We Cannot Offer You a Bid
It’s with sincere regret that I must inform you that we cannot offer you membership into 19 Club, Princeton’s premier…
WAKE UP SHEEPLE
For too long the DAILY PRINCETONIAN has LIED to HARD-WORKING AMERICANS of this University, taking orders directly from the corporate…
A Message From Jay Bush
Bush’s traditional policy of recipe secrecy will always encourage speculation like this, so I have decided to finally reveal part…