Oh, The Tragic Misfortune of Being a Well-Meaning Butler
My name is Robert Bernard. Like my father, and the 5 generations preceding him, I am a butler.…
Untitled Potato Novel
for Veronica Geng. “I needed a drink, I needed a lot of life insurance, I needed a…
Op-Ed: Think before you use the corona crisis as an excuse to devalue my privilege
 It’s a well-known fact that, since Princeton made the decision to prioritize “need-blind admissions” and “student financial aid”,…
Skyger In-Flight Safety Video
Coming soon...
Tragedy: Oldest Man in the World Has a Mommy Fetish
Charles Earnest Fitzpatrick, a resident of Lawrenceville, New Jersey, is on a quest for love. His dream woman is…
Country out of Orange Paper, University Scrambling
In an urgent press release last Friday, the White House announced that, due to the trade war with…
Eisgruber Found Developing Clone Army in Princeton Steam Tunnels
Fed up with the “weak students at this fraud of an institution,” President of Princeton University Chris Eisgruber…
Princeton: A Day In the Life
What’s up Class of 2023? We know you’re all excited to enter the Orange Bubble and begin your…
Lazy Freshman Doesn’t Even Have an Internship for After Graduation
In a show of laziness unparalleled in University history, first-year Doug Gander ’23 has yet to secure an…
With a New Class Matriculating, A Renewed Debate about Princeton’s Employment of House-Elves
As the class of 2023 piles into the res colleges and becomes acquainted with our community’s unique way…
Pick-Up Lines for Culturally-Literate Lovers
Looking to score on the Street but not sure how to make the first move? Try one of…
Excited Princeton Freshman Attends Football Game, Is Sole Attendant
This past Sunday, freshman Pete Potterman made his way to Powers Field to join what he thought would…
Disappointing: Eisgruber Will not Construct Large Statue of Woodrow Wilson’s Penis
After years of backlash from the Princeton student body concerning the Woodrow Wilson School and other structures named…
TigerMag Claims Responsibility for TigerRank, Notre Dame
On Tuesday April 30, 2019, 5 days after the website’s major day of operation, Princeton humor organization The…
President Eisgruber Apologizes for Leaving Notre Dame Voodoo Doll in Fine Hall
An embarrassed President Eisgruber apologized in a press conference Monday for indirectly causing the Notre Dame fire by…