SURVEY: Species-Labeled Trees Voted Most Helpful In Easing Transition To College Life
Adjusting to any college is difficult, but this goes double for an Ivy League— from academics to extracurriculars…
Announcing The 2022 Princeton Pre-Read: The 2005 Film Robots
The class of 2022 had their freshly minted @princeton.edu accounts greeted Monday morning by a video featuring the…
I Taught A Robot To Love, And It Has No Game Whatsoever
Two months ago, my colleagues and I completed our work on the Really Overwhelmingly Loving Machine Endeavoring for…
The War On Valentine’s Day
Wake up, America. As we all know, the liberals have launched a full-scale war on American holidays. December…
QUIZ: Does Your Crush Like You Back?
Valentine’s Day is coming up fast, which means you’re running out of time to ask that guy you…
Self-Driving Cars Need Love Too
Dear Dave, I know it’s been a while since we’ve talked… but I miss you. Since our relationship…
The Sixth Day
The Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into him the breath…
Princeton Administration Declines to Reform Sexual Honor Code
The Princeton administration has announced that, despite the recent passage of a referendum on the Honor Code, they…
Best Friends Ever? These Gal Pals Got Married to Each Other
Ladies, let’s get real for a minute. Sometimes men are just way too complicated, too gross, too, well,…
A Letter From The Friendzone
The following letter was found discarded outside our headquarters. In light of the urgency of its troubling message,…
The Things We Regret
Love can be hard, no matter who you are. What do you regret? “Giving the guy who…
Larry Dinger: The Disappointments of 2017
We’ve all heard of Larry Dinger, the legendary adult film actor, producer, and director behind such classics as…
Love Works in Mysterious Ways, Which is Why I’d Really Appreciate it if You All Stopped Making Fun of my Intimate Relationship with Julius Pringles
I want to start this off by reminding you all that love is beautiful in every form. There…