Sober Master Style: Drunken Master Style’s straight-laced sister school.
Mixed Martial Arts and Crafts: The fusion of paper mache and bone-crushing elbow strikes.
The Art of Fighting Without Fighting: Avoiding conflict through nostalgic viewings of Enter the Dragon.
Masochistic Crane: Scaring off opponents by displaying visible sexual excitement upon being struck.
Quixote’s Palm: A series of anti-windmill strikes passed down in Spain for generations.
Secret Fist: <REDACTED>
Angel Style: A flashy style revolving around three women with a surplus of makeup and dearth of talent.
Deluded Fist: The belief that watching a handful of Youtube videos and taking a month of Karate classes at a strip mall has turned one into a living weapon.
Hibernating Bear: Postponing duels to get another hour of sleep or finish and episode of Community.
Crouching Sibling: An aggressive style specializing in hair pulling and dead arms.
Pokémon Style: Fighting through proxy using captured animals.
Duplicitous Fist: The mastery of sucker punches, cheap shots, steroid use, and sand-throwing.
Blaxploitation Style: An art crafted to strike fear into the hearts of jive-ass turkeys everywhere.
Armchair General Stance: Critiquing the bouts and techniques of others with a bag of Cheetos firmly in hand.
Passive-Aggressive Dragon: Psychologically assaulting one’s opponent’s through half-hearted insistence that everything is ‘fine’.
Creeping Fist: Mastery of the three foundations of discomfort: Staring, drooling, and breathing heavily.
Mosh Pit Style: Usage of guitar solos as an excuse to bodyslam the weak at top speed.
Litigious Fist: Responding to enemy blows with devastating legal counterattacks.
The Invincible Hammer of the Gods: A style based entirely on intimidating opponents with rumors of its power.
Dennard Dayle ’13
