After many years battling the administration for official recognition, it appears Princeton’s Greeks have finally given up in the face of negative press in the Daily Princetonian. This morning all fraternities and sororities were found to have departed Princeton, leaving behind only a massive wooden horse in front of Nassau Hall.
President Tilghman was surprised, but ultimately pleased with the development. “For decades the walls of our libraries and classrooms have been besieged by the Greek culture. It was a battle they could not win, and I’m happy they’ve realized this. The great horse is a mighty offering; we shall take it as a trophy of our victory.” However, when Tilghman asked Building Services to roll the 30-ton Greek horse inside the doors of Nassau Hall, Dean Malkiel objected.
“Still I fear the Greeks,” she said. “Even when they bring gifts, I suspect some guile. Let us set flame to it on Cannon Green! Let us have a bonfire!” Other administrators paid her warning little heed, noting that Malkiel only finds 35% of offerings worthy anyway.
Cassie, a secretary in Nassau Hall, gave a final warning. “I know my history– don’t fall for it! The Greeks tried this exact thing long ago, back in the ’50s, when Delta Tau Chi John Belushi snuck a horse into Dean Wormer’s office. We can’t allow ourselves to repeat the mistakes of the past.”
When asked for comment, John Burford ’12 had this to say:
By destiny compell’d, and in despair,
The Greeks grew weary of the tedious war,
And by their pledges’ aid a fabric rear’d,
Which like a steed of monstrous height appear’d:
The sides were plank’d with pine; they feign’d it made
As parting gift, with parent’s credit cards they paid.
Thus they pretend, but in the hollow side
Selected numbers of their brothers hide:
With inward arms the dire machine they load
And iron bowels stuff the dark abode.
As of press time the Greek horse is standing in the atrium of Nassau Hall with occasional creaking noises coming from inside, which are probably nothing.
– Steve Liss ’10
