As the class of 2023 piles into the res colleges and becomes acquainted with our community’s unique way of keeping our spaces clean, the age-old debate has resumed regarding Princeton’ continual employment of house-elves. As is well-known, since Dartmouth finally let go in 2014, we are the only Ivy still clinging to the age-old practice.
“I was so excited first opening the door to my Whitman single,” Sandra Balancine ’23 told the Tiger, “when I noticed a two-foot bag of bones with large, bat-like ears and bulging green eyes the size of tennis balls puttering around with a feather-duster. He’s really helpful and nice but I have to admit my moral discomfort about the whole thing. I mean, as far as I know they don’t get paid or anything.”
“Ugh, people will get offended by anything,” said Henry Corning ’20. “House-elves disposed of my dad’s used condoms when he went to Princeton, and damn it if they don’t do an excellent job disposing of mine! Tradition!”
President Eisgruber had a more measured response: “Well, of course, there are arguments to be made on both sides. Yes, a more modern, enlightened view would say that an institution of our prestige would avoid all indentured servitude, but we have to honor our university’s history on the subject. Would Nassau Hall even stand if not for the tireless physical labor of such beloved elves as Hobnob, Cobsob, and Roblob? I think not. We have to keep all aspects of the issue in mind.”
Things are heating up, as activist groups have been spotted around campus fooling naïve freshmen into handing their first loads of laundry to their house-elves, freeing them.
- NP ’21
- Art ZK ’22
