We’ve all heard of Larry Dinger, the legendary adult film actor, producer, and director behind such classics as Lesbian Beach House Orgy 3; Two Girls, Five Cocks; and the truly unforgettable Jessica Sparx Gets Fucked in a Van. These films are, of course, masterpieces—thrilling, nuanced, and deeply meaningful pornography that takes the genre to new heights and challenges our assumptions about adult film and, more powerfully, ourselves. Dinger’s 2015 masterpiece Step-Mom Teaches Sex by the Pool undoubtedly contains one of the most compelling moments in all of porn. As step son Rick, played by the electric Mike ‘Sausage’ Riviera, pulls out and yells “I’m going to cum all on your face!” Dinger challenges the viewers to pull out as well, to disengage from themselves and the rigid contours of their lives and find the true face they should be (metaphorically) ejaculating on.
In light of his past achievements, 2017 has been a year of disappointments from Dinger. Though there have been many excellent moments in the thirty-nine films Dinger directed, produced, or acted in over the past twelve months, none have reached the standard set by his older films or, more importantly, adequately addressed the tumultuous political and social events of the past year. In 2017, the world needed great art, and Larry Dinger, for all his efforts, let us down. Here are the biggest Dinger disappointments of 2017:
Massage Parlor 5, 6, and 7
The Massage Parlor series has always been distinctly postmodern, capturing the essentially artificial, pastiche forms that love takes in the twenty-first century. Yet Dinger’s three new entries of this year failed to expand his argument past the conventions he has set for himself in the first four films. Sure, the part in Massage Parlor 6 when Lauren Andrews grabs Dick Riley’s nine-inch penis and says, “I’m going to suck your cock,” and then proceeds to do so is interesting, but it fails to live up to the rhetorical and artistic standards set by the ass-pounding scene from 2016’s Massage Parlor 3 in which the characters’ relationship itself seemed to dissolve into glassy-eyed doggy-style sex. The series is, in this sense, held back by its past success, and the new films, despite Riley’s top-notch cunnilingus in Massage Parlor 6 and 7, fail to achieve that same sense of poignant loss—of love, touch, feeling of any kind—that we jerked-off to in the previous entries.
Tracy Cummings Cheats on Boyfriend with Boss
A clear commentary on the workplace harassment revelations of 2017, Tracy Cummings Cheats succeeds in many respects. When, in the opening monologue, Tracy says, “I just had to get that promotion. I would do anything…” we understand that she speaks not only of her own vulnerability, but also of the cultural and economic system that has deprived women any voice other than the breathy, hyper-sexualized one that Tracy employs. Yet the film also lacks ambition, failing to say anything new about our changing sexual culture. As Cummings rides her boss, played by the excellent Derek Demitrev, she exclaims, “Oh my God, your cock is so big!” It’s an interesting moment to be sure, asking what exactly it means to have a “big cock” post-Harvey Weinstein, yet it also fails to elevate the debate past the past the point of banal conventionality. If Tracy had at this point switched to reverse cowgirl, or Derik delivered a follow-up line akin to Two Girls, Five Cock’s memorable, “Yeah, you like that big cock, don’t you?” this adult film would have achieved something truly special. However, as it stands now, the moment, like so many others in this porn, passes as a missed opportunity. Tracy Cummings Cheats is rich in potential, but fails artistically to capture and elevate the struggle of this moment. As Derek ejaculates on Tracy’s face, the audience orgasms as well, yet it feels like an empty cumshot, and we are left to wonder if what he have just seen is really all that Larry Dinger has to add to this current cultural debate.
Larry Dinger Presents: The Great American Gangbang
In retrospect, this one captured the current moment pretty well.
Manhole 2: Mike Calls the Plumber
The gay pornography of Larry Dinger has always been in a class of its own, but 2015’s Manhole: The Pipe Inspection was a true career masterpiece. Aggressively passionate fellatio scenes and some of the most imaginative buttsex ever put to film combined in this porn classic to deliver something over and above flaming-hot man-on-man action. When Dave Deepthroat strode completely naked into the bedroom and Mike Niles yelled, “Come here with that fat cock!” we all understood that we were witnessing a transcendent moment. We, as individuals, as a generation, as a nation, could strive to have a fat cock too. Deepthroat’s huge, swinging member reminded us that the forces of the good and the right would always prevail so long as we were strong and brave enough to stand up like he did, letting freedom ring and penises swing.
The triumph of The Pipe Inspection is partially what made 2017’s Mike Calls the Plumber such a crushing disappointment. After the profoundly ambitious moralism that defined Pipe Inspection, Mike Calls the Plumber felt small, timid, and, frankly, unworthy of the Manhole name. Sure the Plumber (played by Jake ‘Frankencock” Mitchel) had an enormous penis, but the film’s climatic double penetration scene was a sad echo of Pipe Inspection’s triumphant triple cumshot that made audiences everywhere question their lives and mess their pants.
Mike Calls the Plumber is a good porn flick, but with the world teetering on the brink, we needed something more from Larry Dinger. Creating wild, sweaty, cock-thrusting porn that inspires a nation time and again is a tall order, but if there was anyone who could do it, it was Dinger. He let us down this year, but not any more than we did ourselves. As the final minutes of 2017 ticked down, there was nothing to do but grab some tissues and a copy of 2008’s Fuck-Sluts’ Ski Vacation and hope for better days.
