World 1-1. Two plumbers stretch in the locker room.
Luigi: So. What’s on the agenda this time?
Mario: You know what it is. It’s the same thing it always is.
L: The dragon guy? Again?
M: He’s more like a turtle with spikes.
L: Whatever. I’m a plumber, not a cryptozoologist.
M: What’s a cryptozoologist?
L: A fiction writer with an ego problem.
M: You think everyone has an ego problem.
L: Why don’t you try playing second fiddle sometime. See how it feels.
M: What about the ghostbusters knockoff in the mansion? That was a solid game.
L: That about three people can remember.
M: It was better than “Super Princess Peach”.
L: She didn’t spend her entire game running and screaming.
M: Wouldn’t that be sexist? It would’ve defeated the point.
L: And you’re missing my point. When people think of the Mario brothers, they think of…Mario.
M: Yeah. It’s pretty great.
L: You’re an ass.
M: A famous ass.
L: That’s not a counter-argument.
M: I don’t need one. I’m famous.
L: Why do I even try to talk to you?
M: Hell if I know. You never have anything new to say.
L: What do you expect? We’ve been doing the same thing since the eighties. Jump over animal. Save royalty. Repeat.
M: It’s a sweet gig, if you ask me. What kind of change are you looking for?
L: Go karts.
M: Are you serious?
L: I think it’ll work. Kids love go-karts.
M: How do you save a princess with a go-kart.
L: It wouldn’t be about saving a princess.
M: Blasphemy!
L: Trust me. This idea is gold.
M: Tell you what. We’ll try your insane go-kart heresy, if you stop hogging the fire flowers.
L: Deal.
M: I’m still calling it Mario Kart.
L: Eat a dick.
M: You need to chill out. Do you want a mushroom?
L: I don’t roll outside of work.
M: Your loss. Alright, let’s do this.
The pair charges out of the locker room, into a brightly colored field full of angry multi-colored turtles. Luigi falls into the first bottomless chasm he comes across. A memorial is built before the World One castle, and remains to this day.
