Tag cancer

Horoscopes, News, Sci/Tech

Scientists Eradicate Cancer: World Better Off

Big news shook the heavens yesterday as the Universal Regulation and Astronomical Science Society (URASS) decided to remove Cancer from the zodiac. URASS announced the act in response to the tragic alienation of one 16-year-old Madison Blitzberry, who, in the midst of a slumber party horoscope reading, stated that she was a Cancer.

Kevin
November 8, 2012

Archives, Princeton

22 Rejected Thesis Titles

Making Melanoma: Titration of the Dose of Zinc-based UV-ray Blocking Products to Produce the Optimal Skin Pigmentation in a Caucasian Male A Comparative Analysis of Hops-based Alcoholic Beverages How Much Money Can I Get the University to Give Me: A…

Jim Valcourt
May 3, 2011

Archives, Politics

Catastrophe at the White House: A Playful Tick Brings in the Bomb Squad

Catastrophe struck last night on National Cancer Appreciation Day when, what began as a lighthearted play-date for Malia and Sasha with a herd of cancer kids, turned into a misunderstanding that made Romeo’s suicide look like the awkwardness that ensues…

Alex Judge
January 28, 2011

Archives, Opinion

Walk for the Cure

Someone knocked on my door the other day, and asked me if I would give them money to inspire their walking around in a circle. Understandably, I told him to fellatiate a goat. Why should I pay him money when…

admin
March 10, 2004