Princeton
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The Princeton Admissions Officer Drinking Game

As Princeton officials filtered through these files, faced with life-altering decisions—the future of so many kids at the mercy of their best judgment—they played a drinking game.

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Arts & Transit & DRUGS Neighborhood??

The University claims that construction on the southwest side of campus is for a new “Arts & Transit Neighborhood,” to be completed by 2017. But by every indication of the current construction project,…

Early Admissions

-AD ’16

Capmandont

Capmandon’t

I’ve been doing some contract work lately. Anscombe Society stuff. Why? Cause I’m the best in the biz, that’s why. I’ve been preventing hookups since you were wearing diapers, kid. I’m a professional. They call me “The Blocker.”

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Princeton’s Secrets Revealed

You may have been on campus for two, three, even four years by this point, but that doesn’t mean you don’t still have questions about this place and the secrets it holds. The Princeton Tiger recently acquired a set of sensitive documents that should put some of these questions to bed for good.

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WAKE UP SHEEPLE

For too long the DAILY PRINCETONIAN has LIED to HARD-WORKING AMERICANS of this University, taking orders directly from the corporate clowns of HARVARD UNIVERSITY and promoting a CRIMSON AGENDA.

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Secret Listservs

ListServs tell us everything we need to know about food we won’t eat, events we won’t attend, and clubs we won’t participate in. Here are a few ListServs you probably know nothing about.

Quad

Quad Invents Eighth Day, Hundreds Disappear

Charter had Fridays. Cottage had Sundays. And even Tower had something. But one club stood among the rest without a day to its name. Quad. The humiliation was staggering. That’s when Quadrangle Club engineers came up with a novel solution. They would invent a new day. An eighth day. “Quad Day.”

Reichling

Student Becomes First to Ever Read Traffic Alert Email, Discovers Warren of Madness

Gabriella Garcia Vargas ’17 recently became the first person to read the entirety of a University “Traffic Alert” email, inadvertently discovering a dark hive of unimaginable, soul-shearing insanity in the process.

whigclio

An Inside Look at Whig-Clio Hazing

We showed up to Whig Hall with cat food, hot sauce, liquor, gold fish, copies of the Declaration of Independence and gallons of milk. We were kept waiting out in the cold from about ten to twelve — two hours is typical waiting time for pledges.

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