Ivy Bicker Chair Invokes the Ivy Bicker Gods

As Bicker continues, Ivy Bicker Chair Augustus IV gathered members of the Ivy Club Tuesday night to formally invoke the Ivy Bicker Gods. Augustus IV, formerly known as Rich Hankins ’16, was chosen…


Club’s Bicker Process Not Like the Other Clubs’ Bicker Processes

Much to the relief of several worried sophomores, Angela Franklin ’15 assured potential bickerees that Cap & Gown’s Bicker process was “totally different” from that of the other clubs. “I was worried it…


Attractive Fraternity Brother Has “Right Attitude” for Bicker

According to multiple friends, attractive Kappa Alpha member Jeff Clarke ’17 is going to do great in Bicker. “Jeff is just a fun guy – any club would be lucky to have someone…


Nevertheless, Woman to Bicker T.I.

In a move that has stunned observers, local woman Laura Blake ’17 has evidently decided, nevertheless, to bicker Tiger Inn. Blake, who identifies as a woman and was accepted to Princeton University, for…


Princeton Freshman Disproves Gravity

The scientific community has been turned upside down after Princeton University freshman Natalia Chen found that the two-hundred-year-old established value for the acceleration of gravity on earth is incorrect.

winter recess

University Winter Recess Reminders

Don’t forget to dispose of all trash, recycling, and evidence!


How the Dinky Spent Its Week Off

“This,” said Sir Topham Hatt, “is Dinky. She’s here for the week from the Orange Bubble of Princeton to help out while her line is being mended. She runs a branch line, so I’m going to have her run your branch line for the week, Thomas. Now go shunt freight cars in the yard.”


The 8 Ways to Get Home for Winter Break

Via car, with your parents Stare broodingly out the window while your mom aggressively interrogates you on your romantic prospects. Pray for the sweet embrace of death. Via car, with someone you randomly…


Point/Counterpoint: Campus Cyclists Should Ride More Slowly vs. QUAKE, MORTAL

From the Pedestrians Dear Cyclists, We pedestrians realize that you guys are only trying to get around campus a bit faster, and we respect that. We only ask that you be a little…


A Princeton Staycation

Feeling blue because you’re stuck in the Orange Bubble while all your friends are enjoying quality time with their families, vacationing on their private archipelagos, or visiting their long-distance significant others and experiencing physical contact for the first time in two months?

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