Letters
A Rejection Letter
Dear Ms. Padecki, I regret to inform you that I will not be moving forward with your application for the role of “girlfriend”. While your qualifications were certainly impressive and…
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Lasted Letters
An Honor Code Conspiracy Theory
A warm welcome to our new students. For many of you, this is a time of transition, and I’m sure…
I Have Been Really Loving All The Politics Recently
Wow, this election season sure is crazy, huh? I don’t normally get that into politics, (it’s usually so dull and…
Why Don’t Any Girls Want to Date a Nice Guy Who Krazy Glued Both of His Hands to His Face?
I just don’t get women. They love to talk about how much they want to meet a nice guy who’ll…
I’m a Rocket-Man
By Elton John I open my eyes to see a room full of scientists, prodding me with their scalpels and…
The Martian Is My Life
Dear 20th Century Fox, While most people were entertained or at least somewhat amused while watching your recent release, “The…
To My Third Period History Class: I Am So, So Sorry
I would like to issue a formal apology to the members of Ms. Svenson’s third period history class. This was…
A Letter from the Chairman and CEO of ExxonMobil
Here at ExxonMobil,  we’re proud of the fact that we have 37 refineries in 21 countries around the world, and as a result…
Craigslist: Missed Connections
This is probably a long shot, since I’m not sure how much you remember from last night, but I’m putting this…