A Message From Jay Bush
Bush’s traditional policy of recipe secrecy will always encourage speculation like this, so I have decided to finally…
How to Make Your Secret Crush Notice You in 15 Easy Steps
1. Be Bold! Guys like bold. Send an email with a menial request to a listserv you knowhe’s…
Loki the Hedgehog Faces Disciplinary Action for Adderall Use
PRINCETON, NJ — In an effort to raise students’ spirits and provide light-hearted inspiration for those studying into…
Nassau Hall is Not a Dungeon
Occasionally through the course of your years at Princeton, you will see friends come and go, disappearing to…
A Message from Princeton Student Agencies
PRINCETON STUDENT AGENCIES – PRINCETON’S OFFICIALLY LICENSED PREDATORY PRIVILEGED MONOPOLY FOR OVER 130 YEARS
Excuses For Your Busted Bracket
As the Round of Fleeting Hope slides into the Bittersweet Sixteen, you will need a way to recoup…
A Letter to the Rando Who Just Friend Requested Me
Dear Stephanie King, Thank you for your friend request! You seem like a very nice girl. But, maybe…
Manti Te’o’s REVISED Tips For A Lasting Relationship With The Girl Of Your Dreams
1. Branch Out Don’t limit yourself to meeting people in real physical locations, or even on internet dating…
Lance Armstrong Admits To Doping Oprah Interview
Lance Armstrong admitted today to doping and using steroids, blood boosters, and illegal blood transfusions in an interview…
Scalia Writes “Rights” on a Piece of Paper, Pisses on It
Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia makes some controversial remarks at Princeton.
5 Car Ride Games for the Ivy Leaguer
If you are driving or riding home for Winter Break and want a fun activity to pass the…
What the Video Game You’re Playing This Fall Says About You
Resident Evil 6 You are impulsive and headstrong. You don’t listen to other people’s advice, even if there…
Fire Safety to Administer Literal Fire Drills Tuesday
In a follow-up to their Thursday email regarding the upcoming fire drills, Housing Operations announced today that they…
Bonfire Accidently Built on Cannon Instead of Cannon Green
University maintenance, having missed the word “Green” in a university memo, accidentally built Saturday’s bonfire on Cannon Dial…
University Raises Sushi Prices Yet Again, Resulting in Mass Student Outrage and Chaos
Not long after lowering sushi prices after student discontent, Princeton University was forced to raise sushi prices yet…