Jim Valcourt
Asset Management After the Apocalypse
Now everybody just calm down. I said calm down! Just because we're living in the end times doesn't…
Five Scenarios Where I Might Admit to Enjoying Taylor Swift’s New Album, “Speak Now”
Whilst Out on the Town - I am out at the club when I am approached by a…
A List of 5 Biographies That Will Probably One Day Be Written About The Author
"The Only Failed Coup Is An Unattempted Coup: An Alex Moss Quotation Book" "An Unlikely Friendship: How Alex…
North Korea Develops “Taunt Offensive”
Documents detailing a top-secret North Korean military program intended to weaponize common insults were published yesterday by several…
Cereal Mascots Vie To Replace Dean Malkiel
With Dean Malkiel leaving Princeton, our great university has to find someone to fill that gap. What we…
Lizstomania: 10 Things The Author Can Do Better Drunk
Remember the lyrics to ‘Stand by Me’ to the melody of ‘Lean on Me’ Yell people’s names, or…
How I Would Use The Harry Potter Franchise
J.K. Rowling recently hinted to Oprah that she might consider writing more Harry Potter books. In the spirit…
Shyamalan to Direct Obama’s Presidency
In a move which seems calculated to alienate his already-shrinking fan base, President Barack Obama has hired director M.…
Top 10 Freshman Girl Fears, Answered
1. He’s only talking to me for my boobs. …True. But it could be worse. He could be…
Advice For Freshmen
Hello, Freshman. It's me, Senior. Yes, I can see you. I can see everything you are doing and everything…
The Timmy Dance
We had a little extra footage of Timmy dancing from our Welcome to Princeton video, so naturally we…
Welcome to Princeton
Welcome to Princeton, from your friends at The Princeton Tiger and the USG! Do you like funny things?…