The Birth of Keystone Lite
In the beginning, God created beer. It mostly went downhill from there. Soon after He created beer, God became bored and needed someone to get drunk and watch March Madness with. Thus man came to be. After a fortnight of…
Jim Valcourt
Where Did The Wu/Wilcox Mugs Go?
The Wu/Wilcox dining halls reportedly started off the year with 1300 mugs and now have only 64 remaining. So what happened to the other 1236 mugs? By our accounting: 65 were used as accent pieces for “dirty hipster” theme night…
Toyota Recalls CERN Due To Particle Accelerator Malfunction
The Toyota Motor Company today announced it is expanding its recall of products with faulty accelerators to include the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN). Many operators of CERN’s multi-billion-dollar particle accelerator, the Large Hadron Collider (LHC), complained that the…
How Lady Gaga Convinced Beyonce To Do The ‘Telephone’ Music Video
Lady Gaga: Hey, Beyonce. Beyonce: Are you Lady Gaga or a talking pile of bubble wrap? It is difficult to tell these days. Lady Gaga: Gaga. So I have this idea. For a video. It’s pretty weird. Beyonce: Like, normal…
Princeton Volunteers Dispense Hot Breakfasts to Deprived Harvard Students
The Harvard administration eliminated hot breakfasts for Harvard students due to budget cuts, and the situation was desperate. These kids needed an angel… and they got several. On Friday, November 6, The Princeton Tiger led a humanitarian aid mission to…