1. Attempt to sleep through screeching alarm. 2. Awaken all roommates and one-night stands. 3. Hastily grab mismatched shoes. 4. Pick a nice coat. Take your time here, it’s better to die stylishly. 5. Stumble down steps. 6. Return for…
Dull Housewife This Hallmark program will track the life and times of the rapidly aging Mrs. Fieldman, as she watches made-for-tv movies for 18 hours a day without variation. As her children become more distant and her husband’s list of…
Pattern recognition is mankind’s third greatest weakness, just behind bullets and YouTube videos of sneezing baby pandas. In recent years, the best example of our collective failure of induction has been the repetitive cycle of doomsday panics in popular culture.…
Human civilization is on the brink of collapse. Consider the innumerable problems of the modern world: War. Famine. Poverty. The continued popularity of the Black Eyed Peas. All of these problems have a single, elegant solution. That solution is the…