Advice for Incoming Freshmen
You’re just a freshman, so it’s totally fine if you don’t know your major yet. That said, you…
How Advertising is Destroying the Freedom of the Press [Sponsored Content]
If Generation X was the Pepsi Generation, then Millennials are the Consumer Generation. In a world where young…
Student Accepts Finance Internship, Sells Soul to Satan
Princeton sophomore Lydia Emerson was just about to give up any hope of finding a summer internship when…
Ted Cruz Fails Turing Test
After conducting several laboratory experiments and carefully analyzing sound bites from debates, speeches, and advertisements, a highly trained…
Two Weeks After Winning His First Oscar, Leonardo DiCaprio Hopes to Finally Lose His Virginity
Los Angeles— Ever since Leonardo DiCaprio won his first Academy Award for his performance in Alejandro González Iñárritu’s…
Girl Kiss Academy: Strategy Guide
1. (click on door) Enter Girl Kiss Academy, Oh no, Principal Kiko is there! 2. (click) “Sorry I…
7 Creative Ways to Use Those Babies That Have Been Lying around Your House
Valentine’s Day is fast approaching, and that means it’s almost time for romantic candlelit dinners, candy hearts, and,…
Why Don’t Any Girls Want to Date a Nice Guy Who Krazy Glued Both of His Hands to His Face?
I just don’t get women. They love to talk about how much they want to meet a nice…
First Date Tips
Mark your forehead with a large “X” so your date can tell you from your evil twin Offer…
Recipe: Make Your Own Boyfriend
Can’t find the right guy? Tired of being alone? Take matters into your own hands and whip up a…
How to Get the “Unattainable Standard of Beauty” Look
Unattainable just became attainable! With the help of this handy tutorial, you can finally get the look so…
The Kama Sutra of Extremely Average Sex
The “Tripping While Removing Your Pants” The lover removes their leg garments, stumbling slightly in the process. If…
A Rejection Letter
Dear Ms. Padecki, I regret to inform you that I will not be moving forward with your application…