Love can be hard, no matter who you are. What do you regret?
“Giving the guy who hit on me at the gym my social security number when I panicked and tried to come up with a fake phone number.”
Kira, 24
“Swiping right on the deep web assassin that killed my parents.”
Albert, 22
“Masturbating during church confessional while I was confessing to the other time I masturbated during church confessional.”
Liam, 17
“Legally marrying the Iraq War, back in 2003 when Bush had us all fooled. I filed for divorce the second I realized it was all about the oil.”
Maragret, 43
“Diagnosing all of my patients, no matter their symptoms, with a ‘clinical case of a broken heart.’”
Nikita, 38
“Buying love potions from an unlicensed witch.”
Mohammed, 20
“Letting my mom pick out what I wore to my first orgy.”
Hunter, 29
“Sitting with another boy on the bus home from the field trip in fifth grade instead of you, Rivers. You were a good boyfriend to me.”
Annie, 19
“Allowing my date to read me his 250 page dissertation on 14th century judicial law.”
Mileny, 29
“Losing my virginity to another boy on the bus home from the field trip in ninth grade instead of you, Rivers.”
Elaine, 20
“Seeing you, Rivers, go on to become the frontman of successful power pop band Weezer and thinking what might have been.”
Daniel, 19
“Getting unrealistic expectations for love from watching Step Up 2: The Streets.”
Jordan, 52
“Draining the joint bank account to hire a skywriter to remind you to return our copy of Ratatouille to the library.”
Isabella, 31
“Settling for the blacksmith’s fourth oldest son when I probably could’ve made it with his third or second oldest.”
Caroline, 22
“Teaching my sexbot to love.”
Sid, 27
“Getting banned from every chain restaurant in town for loudly begging my wife for a divorce in each one.”
Gordon, 45
“Insisting that we name our daughter Chili’s Bigger Big Mouth BurgerTM so that she would eat free for life at participating Chili’sTM locations, only to discover that that is not and has never been a promotion that they offer.”
Damien, 34
“Dating someone who only loved me for my role in the Iran-Contra affair.”
Penelope, 23
“Showing him the thousands of eggs I laid in preparation for fertilization on only the second date.”
Yasmin, 21
“Naming myself GARBAGE NIGHTMAN instead of something cooler like THE MIDNIGHT PROWLER or THE NIGHT OWL or something that would actually strike fear into the hearts of late night litterers.” Sammy, 23
“Listing my address as ‘69 Dick Street’ on so many forms that I can no longer remember what my real address is.”
Olivia, 22
“Pleading guilty to four counts of homicide when the only crime I ever committed was not loving you hard enough, goddamnit.”
Mark, 32
– Staff
