1. Pick a fight with roommates in the quad group chat before you move in.
2. Get McCoshed or rushed to Penn Med during Frosh Week.
3. Throw an apple at the Asian dude during the Triangle Frosh Show opening number. Make sure he catches it in his mouth.
4. Sneak an open container into the Lawnparties Headliner.
5. Insult a professor to their face before they start lecture.
6. Do a belly shot of SPIA fountain water. Bonus if it’s off of your ex.
7. Follow your hook-up around the Street for two weeks after you first made out.
8. Greet Chris Eisgruber with a diva bow.
9. Pull out all five of your fake IDs during drunk meal in front of the PSafe officers. Don’t worry, they’re chill about it.
10. Use said fakes to get into Cap members night.
11. Ignore your roommate’s sexile notice in the group chat and enter the room anyway. Proceed to take off your shirt and strike a conversation with your roommate’s date as you do so.
12. Zee-cest. (Acceptable variations: hook up with your RCA or preceptor/TA. Challenge: Roomcest.)
13. Watch porn with your roommates on the eve of Dean’s Date.
14. Do a dramatic reading of Dean Dolan’s emails in Whitman Dining Hall after taking the last of the Whitman Chicken Pot PiesTM.
15. Ask your CA/OA leader out on a date at Small World during peak hours. Preferably 2 years after yourCA/OA.
16. Run through FitzRandolph Gate in only your underwear during Princetonween.
17. Run over your crush on your scooter and proceed to Snap them later that night as if nothing happened.
18. Blast “What Does the Fox Say” every time you spot the Princeton campus fox.
19. Canoe toward the Men’s Lightweight team during their practice on Lake Carnegie.
20. Sing “Old Nassau” on top of the pink picnic table by New College West.
CHRISTINE CHEN ’24
