Looking for love? Ask your potential mate these 36 thought-provoking questions to see if they’re
truly a perfect match.
1. If you could have dinner with anyone who ever lived, who would it be?
2. What do you look for in a friend?
3. What does a “perfect day” look like for you?
4. Do you like Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)?
5. Wait, what? You don’t like Austin Powers?
6. Because you’ve never seen it, or because you just don’t like it?
7. You’ve never seen Austin Powers?!
8. Why not?
9. Not even at like at a birthday party or on a plane or something?
10. Jesus.
11. Okay sorry. Back to the questions. Do you have siblings?
12. What was your childhood best friend like?
13. What’s your ideal vacation destination?
14. Can we go back to Austin Powers for one sec?
15. Have you at least seen Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)?
16. Oh, great! What was your favorite part?
17. You didn’t like The Spy Who Shagged Me?!
18. Well no wonder you didn’t like it, you saw it without seeing the first Austin Powers.
19. That’s like seeing The Empire Strikes Back before seeing A New Hope.
20. Or seeing Pulp Fiction 2 without seeing the first Pulp Fiction.
21. Of course there’s a Pulp Fiction 2. I’ll ask the 36 questions here.
22. Anyway, what about that scene in Shagged where Felicity Shagwell plants a homing
device in Fat Bastard’s anus?
23. What do you mean you don’t remember it?
24. It’s arguably the thematic crux of the film, if not the entire Austin Powers cannon.
25. Alright, well, since you clearly know so much about cinema, what’s your favorite movie?
26. The Blind Side? The fucking Blind Side?!?!
27. Starring Sandra Bullock?
28. Released in 2009?
29. Fuck.
30. No, it’s not a bad movie. It’s a perfectly fine movie. It just lacks the genre-defying
stylization and postmodern wit found in certain other film franchises. Certain other spy
comedy franchises starring Mike Myers, to be exact.
31. The first Austin Powers has a respectable 70% on Rotten Tomatoes. The Blind Side only
has 67%.
32. Jesus.
33. I can’t believe I agreed to this.
34. What a waste of time.
35. I want to go home.
36. Have you seen Goldmember?
MF ‘19
