- Mark your forehead with a large “X” so your date can tell you from your evil twin
- Offer her your business card several times throughout your meal
- As soon as your date asks you for any details about your personal life, begin sobbing uncontrollably to show your sensitive side
- Girls go crazy for “Yu-Gi-Oh! The Movie: Pyramid of Light”
- Get drunk and offer her your father’s hand in marriage
- Say “Blubber up, babe” then order him an entire hog roast
- Bring along a couple crustaceans in case things get awkward
- Find a way to relate every conversation topic to COS126
- Present her with your severed ear to prove your affection
- Sign off all your texts with the alluring pseudonym “Long Dong Silver”
- If you think you’re hitting it off, suggest he put his wiener in your no-no spot
- If your date mentions the three fraternity brothers you brought with you, put your finger on her lips and whisper “Shh, you’re ruining the moment”
- Spice things up by shifting all of your makeup one inch to the left
- Bring protection. A crossbow is suggested.
- Talk shit about your date with the maître’d while she’s in the bathroom
- Take risks! Just close your eyes and make a kissy face.
- Immediately start berating your date as soon as they arrive- this is called “negging” and fools your love interest into thinking they are as much of a garbage person as you are
- When your date isn’t looking, try to caress his face with a cold hot dog.
- Tell him/her to meet you in New York City, then say you meant “the other New York City” when you don’t show up
-Staff
