We know you, Princeton student. You hate commitment! You complain about semesters that are only 12 weeks long and can’t even stay in a lecture for a full hour. So if you’re in a relationship that is starting to look like something real and beautiful and possibly ever-lasting, here are thirty ten-word lines that you can use to end it forever.
» I submitted something to Tiger Admirers. It wasn’t about you.
» I submitted something to PFML. It was totally about you.
» Where should I propose: at Hoagie Haven or T.I.?
» I’m studying abroad this semester. And next. And the next.
» I only date quadruple legacies or celebrities. Well, preferably both.
» By staying together, we are doing what Susan Patton wants.
» At our wedding, let’s say the Honor Code, not vows.
» I don’t think this thing is going to work out.
» And by “this thing,” I mean me. I’m not moving.
» Where even is Dillon? Oh well. Who cares? I hate exercise.
» I also hate Beyoncé. And America. And cheese. And you.
» Our wedding song should be “Blurred Lines.” Or “Talk Dirty.”
» You’re so smart and pretty. You should check your privilege.
» I want ten kids, twelve dogs, and a real tiger.
» I mean I want them now. Let’s go have sex!
» I voted for Will Gansa for president. Twice. Waffle fries.
» I used to be the most active College Confidential user.
» I am actually still the most active College Confidential user.
» I absolutely loved the How I Met Your Mother finale!
» After we get married, let’s only buy one-ply toilet paper.
» And let’s make it twelve kids, since we’re starting early.
» I have a confession. I’m actually an evil, murderous cyborg.
» I have a confession. I am actually a grad student.
» Let’s spend some time in your room. Your roommate’s hot!
» All I care about is you. That and making bank.
» #finance #Goldmanbound #ORFE4lyfe #alumniconnections #loveyouTigerTracks #Imean-HireTigers #doyouwanttobuildaresume #gonnabetheverybest #thatnooneeverwas #andbybestImeanrichest
» Actually, let’s have twenty kids. I’m ready when you are!
» I like how next winter break is two weeks long.
» How long should we wait after marrying to get divorced?
» Come over and hang out with me. I live in Forbes.
–ACD ’16. Illustrated by MGM ’17 and CSO ’15.
