The Department of Public Safety issued a statement Saturday warning that the campus’ levels of smugness had reached dangerous new heights in the wake of another round of spring Bicker.
“We advise all students to remain inside whenever possible, especially if they’re not in an eating club,” the warning read. “It’s too pretentious out there.”
Experts agreed that the traditional flood of self-satisfied sophomores, overly proud of their newfound affiliations, was contributing to the record levels of smugness.
“We know it’s tough, but please think of the social environment before parading around in your new club’s gear,” said on Public Safety officer. “You have to think about the environment in times like this.”
Still, reports indicate that the satisfaction of successful bickerees was not the main factor at play. The majority of the smugness, in fact, has been traced to sign-in clubs, with a significant percentage also believed to have seeped out of Spelman.
Those not involved with Bicker have produced increased snarkiness and irony since returning from intercession, and sources say that this has been the leading cause of the dangerous smug.
“Wow, nice Ivy sweater,” one sign-in club member reported. “Glad the other rich kids decided to let you in.”
Discussions in the sign-in clubs have centered around the pointlessness and cruelty of Bicker, experts say, leading to a widespread and overblown sense of pride in not having taken part in it.
“It’s so funny to hear them try to defend Bicker,” said Stephen Wood ’15, a member of Terrace Club. “It’s indefensible. How can they go around thinking they’re better than everyone? What gives them the right to judge people they don’t even know?”
-SBW ’15. Illustrated by CSO ’15
Can’t get enough of Bicker? Click here to read our entire 2015 Bicker series.
