4. Clinical Term: In Situ ore aperto
Colloquially known as: ‘Head-Against-The-Wall-With-Mouth Agape’ (Figure 4)
This self-descriptive position is one most often observed in connection with impromptu snoozing, often interrupted with a start from the disoriented and paranoid student. The pose alludes to the student’s relinquishment of his or her willpower – his/her arms by his/her side, mouth agape, exposing the body to the elements. The elements include a) insects b) vermin and c) insects.
5. Clinical Term: In Situ sedentarius cum brachium
In which the student’s head is on an extended arm (most often on a table). (Figure 5)
This position connotes a sense of longing and hopelessness: the pose is reminiscent of Michelangelo’s “The Creation of Adam,” which may be why art history students are repeat offenders. Although experiments with Rhesus monkeys have not yet been conducted to substantiate this hypothesis, this case study suggests that the student in this pose is suffering from a lack of firing synapses as well as significant internal emotional turmoil. As of now, the widely accepted theory is that the student is both literally and figuratively grasping at a last thread of hope, the nirvana attained when memorization and problem sets are finally completed.
6. Clinical Term – In Situ sprawlus:
In which the student is spread-eagled like a skydiver facedown; a limp body on a floor, sofa, or other horizontal surface. (Figure 6)
This pose is the penultimate sign of resignation, despair and indifference. It is not clear whether In situ sprawlus is a conscious act born of exhaustion or the result of spontaneously passing out. What is universally accepted, however, is that the student does not care about his or her whereabouts or the cleanliness of the surface, just the merciful inertia brought on by no longer standing and facing the world.
7. Clinical Term: In Situ regression terminalis
(colloquially known as The Fetal Position)
In which the student is curled up like a fetus. (Figure 7)
The fetal position is the most primitive and most expressive pose. Unfortunately this pose, regressive in nature, does nothing to ameliorate the student’s current woes despite the artificial shielding of the body, as it, once abandoned, forces the student to deal with the fact that a giant shitstorm on the order of Hurricane Irene is about to hit. Students often experience temporary aphasia, a condition whose effects can range from difficulty remembering words to being unable to read, write, or speak.
-MM ’15
Illustrations by KR ’15
