The Wu/Wilcox dining halls reportedly started off the year with 1300 mugs and now have only 64 remaining. So what happened to the other 1236 mugs? By our accounting:
65 were used as accent pieces for “dirty hipster” theme night costumes
81 were packaged in crates and sold to Iran as “nuclear fuel rods”
45 were taken by Derek, who knows what he’s doing is wrong
1 was stolen to be used as motivation in a production of Samuel Beckett’s Waiting for Coffee before the director actually read the play
35 were stolen by graduating seniors as reminders of the pounds of coffee consumed during thesis time
1 was lost forever due to quantum tunneling
12 were used to satisfy a fetish that would be weird even in Japan
23 were broken and filmed with a slow-motion video camera to be used in a student-produced documentary as a metaphor for American military power
156 hold the shards of your shattered dreams
5 are kept in escrow until the proper time
23 are used as makeshift flower pots
39 were lost to the winds of time
7 were used in the cast of an all-kitchenware production of Snow White
35 were taken for use in an underground mug-fighting ring
49 were combined with duct tape and wood glue to create the previously hypothetical “hypermug”
101 had holes bored in them and were strung by cord to create the least practical bead curtain imaginable
37 were used as containers for hot beverages
23 were sold by industrious students to inebriated Street-goers for the low, low price of $5 per mug!
465 were sent to Frank Gehry to represent the volume of water that leaks into Lewis Library whenever it rains
3 were stolen to satisfy an ancient vendetta against Dining Services
1 was used in an ironic mugging
6 were used to carry additional mugs
22 were thrown to create a diversion so people could sneak mugs out of dining halls
1 was taken to the police station on April Fools to act as a prop in mug shots
-Staff, with thanks to DB ‘12
