In a startling turn of events, North Korea has announced that it will be discontinuing use of its recently devalued won currency in favor of the denomination exchanged in Blizzard’s popular online game World of Warcraft, “WoW gold.” The recent currency revolution has been revealed as an abysmal failure, rather a success, as the government claimed. The North Korean government’s impeccable record of transparency in the public sphere is forever marred, and its citizens are shocked. An inside North Korean source (whom my roommate accidentally found on ChatRoulette) commented, “Yeah, it sucks here. People are starving to death.” British economist Harry Smitherington III commented that, “The move isn’t surprising; the average North Korean can expect to be far more prosperous grinding for ‘WoW gold’ than with the current system. While we don’t know the exact figures on their GDP, we expect it will rise sharply, especially as South Koreans eat up imports of the new currency.”
The government has also created a stimulus package to jump start the depressed economy by sending game disks to every household and signing up each citizen for six months of a subscription. The move has been praised as the first real effort made by North Korea to fix the problems with its currency. The government ran into a problem, however, when it came to light that nobody knew what a computer was. The government has also established a new central bank, headed by No Wang, former CEO of China’s largest WoW gold farming company. He stated at a press conference, “We have a dedicated bank staff working around the clock farming gold in order to ensure a large currency reserve.” Rather than selling bonds, the bank has decided it will instead trade in high-leveled characters to allow foreign investment. Only time will tell how prudent this move will turn out to be.
-Imperator Calrissian
