Attractive Fraternity Brother Has “Right Attitude” for Bicker

According to multiple friends, attractive Kappa Alpha member Jeff Clarke ’17 is going to do great in Bicker. “Jeff is just a fun guy – any club would be lucky to have someone…


Nevertheless, Woman to Bicker T.I.

In a move that has stunned observers, local woman Laura Blake ’17 has evidently decided, nevertheless, to bicker Tiger Inn. Blake, who identifies as a woman and was accepted to Princeton University, for…


Princeton Freshman Disproves Gravity

The scientific community has been turned upside down after Princeton University freshman Natalia Chen found that the two-hundred-year-old established value for the acceleration of gravity on earth is incorrect.

winter recess

University Winter Recess Reminders

Don’t forget to dispose of all trash, recycling, and evidence!


How the Dinky Spent Its Week Off

“This,” said Sir Topham Hatt, “is Dinky. She’s here for the week from the Orange Bubble of Princeton to help out while her line is being mended. She runs a branch line, so I’m going to have her run your branch line for the week, Thomas. Now go shunt freight cars in the yard.”


The 8 Ways to Get Home for Winter Break

Via car, with your parents Stare broodingly out the window while your mom aggressively interrogates you on your romantic prospects. Pray for the sweet embrace of death. Via car, with someone you randomly…


Point/Counterpoint: Campus Cyclists Should Ride More Slowly vs. QUAKE, MORTAL

From the Pedestrians Dear Cyclists, We pedestrians realize that you guys are only trying to get around campus a bit faster, and we respect that. We only ask that you be a little…


A Princeton Staycation

Feeling blue because you’re stuck in the Orange Bubble while all your friends are enjoying quality time with their families, vacationing on their private archipelagos, or visiting their long-distance significant others and experiencing physical contact for the first time in two months?

New Princeton Post-Graduate Fellowships Announced

Each year, upon graduation, a handful of Princeton students participate in Princeton in Asia, Princeton in Africa, or Princeton in Latin America—fellowships that engage fresh graduates in public service work abroad. Given the…


Let’s Get a Meal Some Time

“I’m so glad we did this,” Eleanor said as we left Wilcox. “People always say, ‘Let’s get a meal sometime,’ but nobody ever follows through. It was great seeing you!” “You too!” I…

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