Princeton

A Letter to Eisgruber: Eisgruber’s Response

Yesterday, our Chairman sent this e-mail to President Eisgruber.  Much to our surprise, he soon replied. ——————————————– Dear Timothy, Thank you for these extremely delinquent congratulations.  As you might imagine, Tiger Magazine’s felicitations…

A Letter to Eisgruber

On Monday, July 1st, 2013, Christopher L. Eisgruber became the 20th President of Princeton University. The following is a real e-mail sent by our Chairman to the incoming president on this momentous occasion.

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Furious Tilghman Unleashes Full Brunt of Weather Machine

Princeton University President Shirley Tilghman, angered for unexplained reasons, has been using her personal weather machine to wreak havoc on the University campus.

Rules of Writing in a Creative Fiction Class

New South stands for tangible possibility, a concrete beacon of unkempt potential standing amidst the collegiate gothic plain of suburban New Jersey.

Bootleg Eating Clubs

Bootleg Eating Clubs

Because F. Pretensions

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A Draft of the Class of 2017 Admissions Letter

Dear Admitted Student, Congratulations! You are coming to Princeton. It has been pre-ordained. Not by the stars (we control those) but by our media stranglehold. You’ll spend a few weeks pretending to juggle…

A Tiger investigation has revealed that the “Benedict for President” posters which covered campus in November were paid for by the Vatican treasury through an intermediary Swiss bank account

A Benedict XVI Presidency?

On Monday, His Holiness Benedict XVI announced his resignation from the papacy, shocking the world and igniting speculation that he may be in the running to replace outgoing Princeton University President Shirley Tilghman.

Bear Hibernating

Winter Break Hibernation

Most Princeton students already meet the main physiological prerequisite for hibernation: massive intake of food, which is then stored in fat deposits in order to survive the winter. However, not many of us actually get the chance to hibernate.

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Princeton Approves Orgy on Cannon Green

Less than a week after Harvard officially recognized Harvard College Munch, a student group devoted to kinky sex, the Ivy League’s kinky sex arms race escalated. Yesterday, Princeton University issued a press release encouraging the freshman class to participate in a class-wide orgy on Cannon Green.

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Scalia Writes “Rights” on a Piece of Paper, Pisses on It

Associate Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia makes some controversial remarks at Princeton.

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