Shortly after the most recent case of meningitis was reported on campus, University Spokesperson Martin Mbugua confirmed that the mysterious “Heir of Whitman” had left another message promising further meningococcal illness.
A drink is only as good as its ingredients. Accept no substitutes, except in Autumn, when pumpkin spice can in some cases be substituted for a seasonal twist.
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A local student reports that if he could change one aspect of his college experience, it would be the lack of time spent studying alone in his room in the dark.
On Wednesday, October 16, a two-year-old child was found in a single in Bloomberg during a routine fire inspection. The toddler was discovered sitting in a hamper-turned-playpen, playing with a sock and a hot pink sports bra.
Leading experts in college analysis have determined that Princeton is objectively better than Harvard. According to a committee of feuding alumni at US News Magazine, Princeton has achieved a US News & World Report rating of 100 beating out Harvard’s mere 99.
“I always saw ads on the internet that promised to make my applicant pool bigger and stronger, and I never believed them,” said Eisgruber. “But one day, I clicked, and, well—here we are.”
The faculty committee created by University President Chris Eisgruber to assess the University’s grading policy released its findings well ahead of schedule on Tuesday, recommending that no more than 10 percent of the grades given in any department should be A’s—a reduction from the current figure of 35 percent.
PRINCETON, NJ — In an effort to raise students’ spirits and provide light-hearted inspiration for those studying into the wee hours of the morning during midterms week, the Office of the Dean of…
In what many students are already calling this year’s most shocking incident of organized rhyme, three members of the Princeton Tigertones were hospitalized Thursday morning after being serenaded and shot at from a moving vehicle.