What Your Girlfriend Wants
- 50 Shades of Black: the more hardcore sequel to 50 Shades of Gray.
- “Have you running more recently? You look thin.”
- For you to admit that she’s right in an argument where you both know she’s wrong.
- You to stop asking if it’s that “time of the month”. If she wanted you to know, she’d tell you.
- Personal (Zumba/Pilates/other trendy exercise) instructor.
- You to go to her (Zumba/Pilates/other trendy exercise) class.
- For Teen Mom to get an Emmy, so she wouldn’t have to feel bad about enjoying it
- A stable relationship.
- A stable of unicorns.
- A stable of unicorns all in stable relationships.
What Your Boyfriend Wants
- For you to stop watching romantic comedies that keep raising the bar too damn high.
- The right to name his firstborn “Luke,” so he can proclaim at birth “Luke, I am your father.”
- Speaking of that, a lightsaber.
- A catapult. Or a trebuchet,. We’re not picky.
- A Jaguar. The car, not the animal.
- A jaguar. The animal, not the car.
- A superpower. Preferably flight or super strength.
- Blowjob. Then sex.
– JCA ’16