Failed U-Store Items

ITEM                                                      REASON FOR FAILURE

Dunce Caps                                     caused death at fraternity ‘head-jousting’ tournament

Cereal                                                out-competed by Frosted Flakes

Dildos                                                bright orange is a difficult color to hide

Skateboards                                   50% of Forbes students hospitalized

Vodka                                               too popular, couldn’t handle demand

Toilet Paper                                   caused an inaccurate representation of school colors upon use

Squirrel Traps                               ecological collapse

Carrots                                             out-competed by carrots

Permanent Markers                    90% of students needed surgery to mask penises on their face

Puffer Fish                                       actually the worst idea ever

My Little Pony Plushies             70 deaths on opening day stampede

Pogo Sticks                                      other 50% of Forbes students hospitalized

Harmonicas                                     murders around Dean’s Date

Pin-ups                                              Woodrow Wilson in a bikini deemed heart health hazard

-KS ’15

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