Because you are, in fact, a pervert.
9.) Laugh. Smile. Make sure she knows you are having a good time.
Talk to that random guy by the wall. You don’t actually know him, which might make the conversation a little awkward, but the important thing is to pretend that you do.
8.) Tell her how nice she looks, compliment the second thing you notice about her. Compliments will get you everywhere.
Yes, compliment the second thing you notice. It probably wouldn’t go over too well to compliment her left boob.
7.) Be general. Allow her to ask you about details, if she is actually interested.
Which she isn’t.
6.) If you like Star Wars, Comic Books, etc…try not to talk about those hobbies too much. Most women are interested in goals and world issues.
Bring up starving Nigerian children. That always makes for some steamy repartee.
5.) If other people have told you certain things are weird, wrong, or despicable, then try not bringing them up in casual conversation.
Like that awkward incident involving a frustrating night and your roommate’s pet ferret?
4.) If you can smell yourself, other people can smell you. Wash yourself daily.
Daily? That’s how it’s done? Maybe you could even use soap?
3.) If you look like you care about yourself, other people will want to care about you.
Look in the mirror, you cocky bastard you. That guy looking back, he cares about you.
2.) Confidence is more important than status, money, or looks.
a) You’re uglier than a boozed-up bearded buttertroll
b) You have a royal shitload of money
c) She’s really, really desperate
1.) Be cool. Act like yourself, and always think before you speak.
Hold it. If acting like yourself was cool, you wouldn’t need this list, would you now?